#maybe this is my way of saying im lonely and wish i had found true love first time
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heartslobbf · 1 year ago
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i watched heartstopper s2 because i was an avid osemanverse enjoyer in my early teen years (back when alice oseman still had anons on rip) and owe some of my aspec self-discovery to their writing. i knew they had written an aroace storyline into this series and wanted to see it because whilst i knew as an aroallo lesbian i wouldn’t totally resonate and might be a bit cheesed off by aspects of it, i enjoy aromantic crumbs, and i enjoy discussing aspec Stuff even more. it was

. an interesting experience? has certainly given me a lot to think about. gushy rant below the cut :)
i will say, i think that the amatonormativity is still strong, and rigid in this show. it’s like, isaac is the exception to the rule and his true love is books, and he gets to yell at his friends for all being so damn couple-y and romance-obsessed but there’s no resolution to that. is that realistic? yeah, sure, allo friends can fucking suck, but heartstopper is the kind of show aiming to do certain things for queer kids where id expect a dialogue about this. you know, charlie & co coming to understand aspec identities and becoming more conscious of how amatonormativity affects them, interrogating it in such a way that these queer couples can also be liberated from its trappings. juicy shit like that. didnt happen tho. isaac gets a book about asexuality (no mention of aromanticism on its cover!!! the word is used by the artist who vaguely explains both terms to isaac, but there is a much greater focus on asexuality, so much so that this morning i saw pink fucking news celebrating isaac’s asexual storyline without a mention of his aromanticism) and that’s it.
a lot of that criticism is arguably coloured by my experience as an aroallo person, because i just want aromanticism to be engaged with as aromanticism. you know aroaces we are besties in arms solidarity and all that, and im so fucking happy you got some great asexual rep that frequently used the word asexual, as well as your flag and iconography. like fuck yeah!!!!!! let’s go!!!!!! however, aromanticism is not a subset of asexuality, is not an ‘extreme form’ of asexuality, does not necessarily have anything to do with asexuality. im sure the aspec folks know this, but allo fuckers dont and that means that this canonically aromantic character who was emotionally affecting to me is one that im gonna be barred from resonating with again and again.
you know, moments of isaac’s story were so profound and moving for me. i cried at the kiss scene in episode 5, it was probably the single most relatable moment of tv (related to my experiences with sexuality) that ive ever seen. its certainly not my favourite tv moment of all time lol, relatability ≠ quality, but when youre part of a marginalised group and experience a lot of loneliness and alienation surrounding your identity it is great to see it reflected. i honestly loved that shit!!!!! ive been there!!!! that’s me!!!!!! the wanting and the not wanting!!! the jealousy and confusion and alienation, the longing to be able to feel what you can’t just so you don’t have to be so lonely, the knowledge that you’re just not that person

 oh it was great. it was fucking great. so you can maybe appreciate how upsetting it is for other people to neglect the aromantic facets of this canonically aromantic character, when we dont get shit.
having said that, asexuals also dont get shit; my issue is absolutely not with isaac being aroace, but rather with how mainstream understanding of aspec identities is still so piss poor that people neglect the aromantic aspect of that identity. i found isaac to be a relatable character and i enjoyed and appreciated that about him; i wish more people would talk about him being both asexual and aromantic, because aromanticism does not get talked about enough as anything other than an ‘extension’ of asexuality, an idea which only diminishes the complexity and vastness of both (fucking awesome and beautiful) identities. love and light and solidarity forever with all other aspec folk <3
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thanaredreamtof · 1 year ago
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Soundtracks for current threads: @loveaffairxc
Justin x Felicity
This has been one of my favourite threads to ever write if I’m being honest. I love the tension, the hesitation, the drama
you’re a phenomenal writer and I can see everything playing out so clearly.
“I heard that you're settled down, that you found a girl and you're married now, I heard that your dreams came true, guess she gave you things, I didn't give to you
Old friend, why are you so shy? Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light, I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it, I had hoped you'd see my face, and that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over
Never mind, I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you, too”
This one really doesn’t need much explaining, the first verse and the chorus just sums up their current situation perfectly. I can so see a montage of him on his honeymoon, thinking of Felicity while he smokes and his wife sleeps, all the while Felicity has moved to London and spends her months going out and getting drunk to try and forget everything that happened. Old friend
showing up out of the blue
it isn’t over??
“Oh, I'm scared to see the ending, why are we pretending this is nothing? I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how, I've never heard silence quite this loud
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room, and we're not speaking and I'm dying to know, is it killing you like it's killing me yeah
I don't know what to say since the twist of fate, when it all broke down and the story of us, looks a lot like a tragedy now”
I mean
this song was written for them. When it all broke down? The beach scene? I’d tell you I miss you but I don’t know how???? I’ve never heard SILENCE QUITE THIS LOUD? - both the beach scene and their first meeting in the art gallery again.
F loyd x Felicity
I am loving these two so much, and I think this first song could also fit our Diana and Tommy thread too but
.
This song screams Felicity and Floyd. Please don’t be in love with someone else? Im wonderstruck blushing all the way home?
The first verse especially reminds me a lot of Floyd, and maybe his version of seeing Felicity.
“There I was again tonight
Forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired, lonely place
Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is, it was enchanting to meet you”
That just reminds me a lot of his relationship with his father, and how people avoid him because he is so powerful.
But then I think these words really fit both of them:
“My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again
These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you”
These words are really interesting because I think of how Floyd first worried that Felicity was in a relationship and had a child, and then realised she wasn’t, and in reverse she thought he may be single and then realised he was engaged. “Please don’t be in love with someone else” is very relevant for them.
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onedayatatime-please · 3 months ago
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Thursday, Aug. 15th, 2024. 1:03 pm
I've spent the whole day with extreme anxiety. I did my breakfast sandwich, shower, and everything like I said I would, but in between has been spent doing breathing exercises to try and calm myself down as my heart has been racing. I have been sitting in front of my computer emotionally prepping for my therapy appointment only to get a call five minutes before its supposed to start telling me that its been cancelled because the therapist had some sort of emergency and is now no longer taking new clients. This is fine, shit happens. Im now just emotionally exhausted and a bit upset that I had to change the person I wanted to be my therapist, and the new person im going to do intake with seems good but not quite as good. Who knows, maybe im wrong and Im gonna end up loving them but Im so fucking tired.
Also I had a dream last night where I was back on Randy's farm and got to say hi to Bandito. He must be a very old horse now if he is still alive (I know his mother passed a few years ago), and in my dream his hairs were greying a bit, but he still had the white pattern around his eyes. There was a girl there working on the farm and we were flirting, and in the dream I was kinda hoping to get with her. Most of the dream was spent on the farm, but at some point it shifted to a desert scape and suddenly I was in a war zone and hiding out in some low mud buildings from a group of soldiers. As some point a soldier found me and the last thing I remember from my dream was crying and begging for my life as he pointed his gun in my face. Very weird to have those two things happen one after the other.
I woke up feeling like I had not slept at all, which has been pretty much how I've been waking up every day recently.
I'm gonna clean the house and get ready for my cousins to be here in 3 hours. I am also going to try and photograph some more drawings for my portfolio so I can work on uploading them when I am visiting with my grandparents.
I am not dead yet, I will do my best to keep it that way.
9:42 pm edit:
Dinner went well and now I am very tired. I had a call with đŸȘ¶. He’s going to another city on the same days I’ll be near him. I think it’s time I move on from him. I loved him so much, and it’s not his fault that his life is falling apart. I want to be there for him and I want to keep loving him because I love loving him but I know it’s not sustainable. A part of me feels like I should just go along for the ride, I’m twenty, it doesn’t need to be sustainable yet. But I don’t want a ride, not really. He does tho, he wants to do crazy shit and that would be fine if we could work together to sustain our relationship on top of that but that doesn’t seem likely. This has been coming for so long I don’t really feel sad about it yet, I just feel lonely. I haven’t felt like I’m actually in a relationship for a while. And he was the one who made me want a sustainable relationship in the first place. I was so set on being lonely, but then I met him and it made me realize that I really do want another person, I want to be married, I want kids. But he doesn’t want any of that yet and he probably doesn’t want it with me either way. I’m glad that we were able to love each other for the few years we did. I wish things could be simple, but they are not. I don’t want to break it off with him because I’m afraid of experiencing true loneliness again after knowing what it’s like to actually not be lonely. Either decision leads to me being fucking miserable for a certain amount of time and I keep doing this thing where I try to negotiate and find a middle ground where I can be kind of okay for a little bit but that’s not how all this shit is gonna work in the end. I love him and I know that he loves me but we are at a time in our lives where we cannot fulfill each others needs in a stable relationship and so instead we are probably going to part ways and never hear from each other again and the thought of that makes me fucking sick.
I feel like a coward for wanting to leave him when he is struggling even though he is actively pushing me away.
I Wanna be an Astronaut floating through space
And be tied to a ship by a cord and just be simple and quiet.
But instead I’m a dog.
I’m gonna go to the ocean soon, so I can float in the water.
I’m not dead yet, I will do my best to keep it that way.
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This is gonna be a message for my ex which really I struggled in expressing but for the first time in history, With all the days I never even wanted to express and talk about my feelings about it , now I finally can without being overly depressed and overly emotional because the weight is just too much and it definitely drained me when we're still together. Whether he reads this or not its ok. I just needed to share my thoughts and my sincerest apologies, and the first time I was able to come out and express it wholeheartedly and clearly.
I used to be half assed about it but. Damn this didnt even require mental effort to write it just all came flowing like a river 😆 but this is a blunt one.
no sugar.
Why I didn't do this before had to do with so much drama and misunderstandings that never ended between the two of us.
Here are my thoughts about it. I've pondered for days searching for answers but failed to do so until I searched within myself which really made me really realize my true innermost feelings and thoughts without any biases, confusion and heavy emotions. Despite of seeking answers in the wrong places. I wish I had listened to my inner voices earlier and didn't overthink too much. Aside from that I have learned a bit more and much more afterwards. Guess people really learn but the progress might be slow.
Now true for everyone but I mean in my case.
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So here it is
Post-breakup thoughts
Im sorry If I havent really fully trusted you Sorry If I cant trust you in things that had given me so much to worry about which had nothing to do with you but it was my anxiety, and I can't help it Im sorry if I cant believe whatever you tell me, sorry if I felt like I couldn't take time to think before I say something or do
I became mentally paralyzed and depressed as I felt like you invalidated my feelings for a long time but maybe we just don't get each other and we have different values and things we wanted just doesn't fit and we weren't really on the same page and its okay cause everyone is different and its okay to be different, I mean I wish you knew how frustrating it felt when I find myself to believe on what you believe.
But I know we tried to work things out.. uhh and thats what relationship is all about. Right?
Sorry if i couldn't make efforts to be more reliable as a partner that you wanted me to be But I never really wanted to feel things this way because I'm just scared of everything that I see in our relationship, I'm scared that things in the past might happen again at our time.
But by simply thinking about it just ruin everything but I realized that my thoughts were to blame for it.
I acted so badly and had treated you so badly.
I just know deep down that I'm scared of losing my happiness that I found in you,I fell so hard, deeply and profoundly.
I wasn't lonely when we met but I just realized that I just wanted to be with you and thats all and I wished I had done things right but Im just losing my mind and self-control which frustrated me.
I just can't be the one for you I guess because of the way I see relationships and it scares me.
I'm just not ready for commitments and everything I do just doesn't make sense when Im in a relationship, but I don't know if I can say atleast I tried because I haven't really done so much.
I just wanted to say I'm really sorry If this all happened.
I mean not that I made a lot of mistakes but learned the hard way that it takes a lot of courage to own up to things.
Im aware of all of this. I really didn't want to say goodbye, I really didn't want to go on and move forward, I was really happy even things weren't good but It was one of the best and I think about each times as just as neutral as it is cause I don't really regret letting you be a part of my life but anyway despite all of that, I know you did so much for me and had given me hope, and it hurts because holding on to us has hurt me more than ever and I am really upset that it had to end this way and I agree that its really painful and It hurts to hold on while we're still together thinking of the worst.
It feels like everything has fallen apart between us and everything went downhill and I'm just at the same time grateful because I needed to feel all of this to come to this point and I'm finally free at last. And thats what I where I want to be despite wishing that things were different or could be but It is what it is.
I've never written anything like this before throughout the relationship. I always thought I'd never end up writing something at all because for all the times we spent, I was just totally confused and things were never clear on my side.
It just felt as if I couldn't really express how I feel either and it seemed like this was the first time in our whole relationship that I did. But I'm not sure why right now that I could. Now I can think rightly.
Soooo yes .. All I can say is that... Well, uh I can clearly think and say what I want without second-guessing my words and thoughts which I really struggled when we were still in a relationship. I didn't really lose myself in the relationship, RATHER I found myself and knew myself better lol if thats the cause well I used to fear losing myself but thats old news.Atleast now I better know what I want and need. I just opened my eyes completely to what it was, than what I thought it was nothing to be upset or anything.
I'm such a fool to fall for my doubts. What I used to long for, no longer was to long about.
I didn't ever want to ever position myself into this place but this is necessary like its just meant to happen.
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coexiising · 3 years ago
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Midnight Love - Anakin Skywalker
REQUEST ◆ can i request a little something where anakin comes back from a long mission after there were rumors that he was dead, so the reader is super relieved and impatiently waiting to be alone with him? basically fluff where she could take care of his wounds and maybe some passionate sex
WARNING(S) ◆ smut, piv sex, mentions of death, cursing
WORDS ◆ 3.1k
NOTE ◆ im sick but i got the sudden urge to finish this request so!! thank you for requesting!!
If someone was to ask you what love was a year ago, you would insist that you had no idea and tell them to ask someone else. But in the coming months, even in the throws of Civil War raging throughout the entire Galaxy left and right — You had found love. And maybe it wasn’t perfect and not like the fairytales that you used to read when you were a young child but it was yours, and that was all that mattered in the long run. You were in love and so happy.
But right now, all you were was nervous. You had been for almost a week since hearing the news that a rather intense battle had broken out in the Outer Rim, where Anakin Skywalker, the man you were in love with, had been stationed for almost a month now. You were scared and wracked with anxiety of the possibility of something happening to him. You stayed up late at night and tried to calm yourself down, but it was to no use. There was no way of contacting him during the middle of a mission and the only thing you could slightly rely on was the news, which sometimes wasn’t entirely factual.
And then the rumors started.
You weren’t one to rely on the news of gossip or others, though this talk had been spoken about within a rather influential group of politicians, about how The Hero With No Fear was dead. You didn’t want to believe it, it couldn’t be true. Anakin, your Anakin, couldn’t be dead. So you vowed from that day forward that you would only think of him as alive, not going to engage in any conversation until you were sure of his true outcome.
And another rumor spread that the 501st was coming back to Coruscant and again, you tried to ignore it, trying not to get your hopes up on false promises. Still though, you checked your comms where Anakin always contacted you when he was within range, and checked, and checked, and checked until it was becoming somewhat of an addiction. There was no call.
It is now marked two months since you’ve seen Anakin, the days dragging long and boring and the nights cold and lonely. You missed him so much that it was hard to breathe, feeling as though another half of you had been thrown into the wind never to be seen again. He had a job in the Republic and you understood that completely, but it didn’t stop you from wishing that things were different, that you could be together with him without anything pulling you away from one another or that you could just be with him in public in a romantic way rather than platonic.
Your feet took you across the Jedi Temple building, tasked with giving some papers to Senator PadmĂ© Amidala who was briefing with the Council about security in the Senate. The sun shined through the tall windows as you walked, illuminating the pathway and red carpets. You made your way up the steps and that’s when you stopped dead in your tracks.
You weren’t sure if you were making things up in your mind, if you missed Anakin so much that your mind was playing tricks on you. But at the end of the hall you could swear that was Anakin, walking with . . . That was Ahsoka. So that had to be —
“Anakin,” You spoke out loud, low like a whisper to yourself. It was Anakin, standing at the other end of the hall. You felt your balance go out for a moment and you were almost sent toppling down the stairs until you caught yourself. Your heart rate picked up and it took everything in you not to run up into his arms, knowing that you were all being watched in the Temple and there was no way to have alone time with him no matter how much you wanted to.
You walked at a faster pace now, coming within range of his eyesight and Anakin’s features immediately softened upon looking at you, a small smile making its way onto his face that you reciprocated, hoping to not gain the attention from his Padawan learner. When finally, finally you were only a foot in front of him, you felt at ease again. Anakin was alright, he didn’t die or get gravely injured like the news always made things out to be. He was here and although you could see cuts and bruises on his face that have seemingly gotten uncared for yet, you were more relieved than you had ever felt in your life. It had been too long without him, you supposed, too long without his touch or his love.
Ahsoka was the first to speak up. “Hi, Y/N, what’re you doing here?” Her tone was happy, which led you to believe that whatever they did in the Outer Rim turned out successful. You loved Ahsoka, but right now you wished that it was just you and Anakin.
“Just getting Senator Amidala some papers, Ahsoka, how was your mission?” You asked, eyes darting from her to Anakin, who looked at you with soft, longing eyes.
“It was . . . Stressful. But Master Skywalker led the whole 501st by himself!” Ahsoka exclaimed, giving her Master a grin. You couldn’t help but smile, thinking about the fearless leader and how passionate he was about helping the Republic. How he was yours, all yours and he loved you just as much, if not more, than you did him.
A few more words were exchanged before Anakin said, “Why don’t you go get some rest, Ahsoka. You deserve it.” It seemed as though Ahsoka didn’t need to be told twice, the girl saying a quick goodbye and walking off in the other direction. Now it was you and Anakin in the hallway, looking into each other's eyes as if you were both having a silent conversation between one another without any movement. You weren’t sure what to say, actions spoke louder than words anyways and all you wanted was to be near him, be in his arms so that the fist of anxiety clenching your heart was finally gone.
He had a small smile on his face that made your heart warm, one that you reciprocated and looked around to make sure that no one was eavesdropping. In the Temple you were never really sure how far your talking would go, if others could hear the whispers spoken between you two from other hallways. There was no one there, thankfully.
“I’m sorry I-”
“When will-”
You two spoke at the same time, making a laugh erupt from the both of you. You took a moment to admire him, thinking about how much you missed the little things about him like his laugh. “You go first,” You told him.
Anakin nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was coming back. I wanted to make it somewhat of a surprise but then you were here and . . .” He trailed off. You shook your head and flashed a smile, signalling that all was fine. You found it endearing that he was planning on surprising you, it seemed as though you were on his mind the whole time as much as he was on yours.
“It’s okay,” You said. “When will you be able to stop by my apartment?” That is where you usually stayed when he was on Coruscant and he could get away, since it was way easier having Anakin sneak out of the Temple there instead of him sneaking you into the Temple. You had to admit that now that you knew he was here, your anxiousness got worse, wanting him all to yourself as quickly as possible.
“I still have to report to the Council. Then I’m all yours. An hour?”
“It’s a date.”
~
The waiting was excruciating even though it was only an hour. It was almost as if waiting for an extra sixty minutes was worse than the extended time you had just been away from him. Perhaps it was because you knew that he was here, alive and well, and wanted to see you just as badly as you wanted to see him. You tried passing the time looking through the holonet, and then deciding to take a quick shower to wash off anything from today.
Opening your drawer and putting on the last of your outfit, some black lounge sweatpants, you heard a knock on the front door of your apartment and your heart practically leapt out of your chest. You needed to remember to give Anakin a key sometime soon, knowing that this wasn’t going to be the last time he came over and he almost practically lived here whenever he was on Coruscant. You walked and opened the door, being met with Anakin’s smiling face and big, strong arms wrapping around your frame, walking both of you backwards as his foot kicked the door behind him closed.
You leaned into his touch, memorizing all that you could from this moment for later. His soft, plush curly hair brushing against your cheek, the smell of fresh breeze and some type of floral scent that was most likely his body wash. It was so inherently Anakin and you were surrounded by it, you loved it. You loved him.
“I missed you so much,” He spoke first, pulling away to make eye contact. His blue eyes looked down at you and you couldn’t help but lean up and press a small kiss to his lips, the smile on your face growing wider as you pulled away. Your eyes scanned his face, taking note of a few cuts and bruises that littered it, almost causing you to frown.
Your hand came up and brushed against one, it seemed freshly afflicted. You weren’t exactly sure what the mission he had gone through was about, he would most likely tell you later when both of you got settled. “I missed you too, Ani,” You said. “Do you want me to look at this cut?” It wasn’t as though you were a medic by any means, but basic first aid wasn’t that hard and all you really needed to do was clean it and any others he let you look at.
He didn’t respond with words, only nodding and allowing you to grab his hand and lead him to the bedroom. Your kit was in the bathroom connected to it, quickly grabbing the small white box and sitting down on the bed next to him, getting to work.
“What happened while you were away?” You asked, making conversation as you got the materials out of the box. “These cuts look recent.”
Anakin shrugged his large shoulders, a usual response when you asked about his injuries whenever he came home. This wasn’t new behavior, he always seemed like he was as tough as nails, but it didn’t take much to see that he was tired and glad to be home. The home that was your arms.
As usual, the two of you exchanged some small talk while you tended to his wounds, rubbing the cloth with the antiseptic and covering up the ones along his arms that needed bandages. Bacta worked best for the bruises, covering them up with the oil that would have them healed in as fast as a day or two. Once everything had been looked at, you put the materials back into the box and placed it on the nightstand next to your bed, reaching over to Anakin to wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. He came to lay down and pulled you close to him, both of you sitting in the silence for a moment.
“There were so many rumors that you had gotten into too much trouble on your mission. Some people were even saying that you were dead,” You muttered, a small, tiny bit of concern lacing your words. Anakin could feel your worry through the Force and in response, held you even tighter against him. “I didn’t want to believe them, but then you were gone longer than normal and I don’t know. . . I just get so scared sometimes with your line of work.”
Anakin sighed. “There was a setback in the mission and we needed to take caution so that we wouldn’t lose many people. But it’s alright, I’m here with you now. You know that I’ll always come back to you.”
“I know, Ani.”
You turned to face him, the covers shifting comfortably under you. You pressed your lips against his again, relishing in the feeling of having him back all to yourself. You wished that you could keep him here forever, in your large apartment away from the judgement of society: The Senate that expected you to stay away from scandal, and the Jedi Order that prevented Anakin from having any attachment whatsoever. It was a hard world out there, but you were grateful that you were with Anakin through it, you couldn’t imagine being with another person.
Sensing a bit of urgency in your kisses to get as much of him as you possibly could, Anakin responded with the same passion, his hand coming up to stroke your cheek and the gloved one coming to push himself on top of you. Your legs wrapped around his waist and trapped him against you while the two of you kissed. Your hands reached for his hair and tugged, spurring him forward and biting your bottom lip with a groan.
He detached his lips from your own and instead began kissing along your jawline, stopping for a second to inhale the scent of yours that he missed more than anything. And then he started again, kissing all the way down your neck and deciding to leave a tiny mark on a part of your collarbone that would be somewhat easier to conceal. It was rare that he did leave the marks this high up, but in this urgency he couldn’t seem to control himself all that much. You wined out, pushing your hips forward and meeting his own.
“You have no idea how much I missed you,” He muttered in between kisses against your neck, hand moving down and coming to the edge of your work blouse, working to get it off of you as fast as he could but stopping for a moment to make sure that you wanted to go farther. You fervently nodded, helping him in taking your shirt off and throwing it down onto the ground near your bed. Quickly, you did the same thing with his shirt, untucking it from his pants and the moment it was off you ran your hands along his torso, marveling in the fine edges of his body. “All I could think was coming back to you and now that I’m finally here I’m blown away by how beautiful you are.” His words made you blush, as well as send a shock downward towards your core.
You needed him, you simply couldn’t wait anymore. You had waited for too long and you weren’t in the business of stopping any time soon and it was clear that he felt the same way. While you were waiting for him to come home, it wasn’t too apparent how much you truly missed him because after a while you found some other ways to occupy yourself. But now that he was here, all those feelings of want were coming back to you and you couldn’t help but start to speed up the process.
“Anakin, please, I need you now. I can’t wait anymore,” You whispered to him, loving the way that his lips felt while they kissed every single inch of your chest. You wanted to slow down and at the same time wanted to speed up, it was an odd feeling. But there would be more moments for the both of you to take it slow, now you just wanted to satiate the feeling that was growing rapidly in your core. He laughed at this, coming to meet your eyes with his own as they had a hint of teasing behind them. You gave him a small smile, but your eyes were glossed over with a type of lust and wanting that you were sure he could tell that you were serious.
In a matter of mere seconds, both of your pants and undergarments were off and he was getting into a more comfortable position on top of you, and you were spreading your legs open and just waiting for him. Anakin took one look down between your legs and muttered some type of curse in Huttese that you couldn’t understand and before you spoke to ask, he was pushing into you.
It felt like bliss.
The moment you adjusted to him and your walls relaxed, he began moving, slowly out and then plunging back into you with intensity. He continued that motion a few times, each making you moan out his name and flying your hands back into his hair, tugging on the golden, curled locks. You moaned out and it was louder than you were expecting, but it seemed to be exactly what he wanted to hear because he started going faster. You could hear the wet sloshing between the two of you and it only made you closer to that peak and the fire within you was almost raging.
Anakin kept kissing your neck until he went up and started kissing your lips. It was a sloppy kiss, all of his concentration was bent on making you feel good but you appreciated it, since you could feel all the love that he was giving you. You matched his pace, lifting up your hips to meet his when they came down and he hit at an even more deeper angle, both of you gasping into one another's mouths.
“Anakin, I’m going to-”
“Me too.”
Your orgasm snuck up on you and placed itself right onto your core, and with one more thrust you felt yourself release and your eyes rolled back into your head. For a moment it felt like you weren’t on Coruscant and you had flown up into the sky, that was how good it felt to be with him again. When you came back to reality, with a roll of your hips, Anakin was right behind you, releasing inside of you. Both of you stirred and he laid down on top of you, breathing heavily to try and catch his breath. Your hands rubbed up and down his back, fingers tracing inconsistent patterns along his skin.
A few more moments passed by and Anakin rose his head up, pressing a small kiss to your nose that made you smile. He also smiled, nuzzling into your neck.
“The second I catch my breath, we should go again.”
It was good to be back.
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thcweasley · 4 years ago
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Yours
PAIRING : George Weasley X Y/N
SUMMARY : George getting jealous of his twin brother for being closer to you .
WARNINGS : none? Make out? implying things? hehe
WORDS : 1.7k
A/N: lol this hits too close to home, growing up i was shadowed by heather sister :(  I was going to turn this into smut but im not sure.. cos i never wrote a smut before lol.
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“Focus on your work Weasley” Snape smacked George Weasley’s head with the book he was holding, causing the whole class to look at his direction.
George was already an easily distracted person to begin with. but today especially, he got his mind somewhere else.
He was looking at you and his twin brother Fred, giggling while trying to figure out snape’s task. All of his life he never thought that he would feel this much jealously towards the older twin. Sure, sometimes it bothers him a bit that people pay more attention to him, or the fact that people always refers them as “Fred & George”, not “George & Fred”. But he knew it’s a silly thing to be bothered about so he always managed to brush it off.
But not today, Fred had been assigned with you. The girl George met on his last solo trip to honeydukes. It shocked him how he never saw you around before, despite being in the same house and grade. But hes glad that he met you. George didn’t like to be cheesy, but he was so sure that you were made for him. Whenever youre around, he just felt so happy. You’re funny, kind, and on top of all you’re prettiest thing he ever seen. Sadly, for him, other people seems to think that way about you.
He introduced you 2 weeks ago to his brother and friends. You seem to get along great with everyone. He liked that, his brother and friends is everything for him. But he cant help it but feeling a little bit jealous. He didn’t wanna admit it but this jealously is most probably because he was insecure about his feeling for you. Before everything he was sure that you fancy him the same way he fancies you. But now, hes not sure. And he hated it, youre supposed to be his girl.
The class that felt so long was finally over. George quickly stood up, walking towards the common room. he just want to burry his face onto his bed now. He felt an arm linking his. “Hey you” it was you. He let out a big sigh, not knowing how to feel right now.
“Hey, did you have a good time today?” He hated how catty he sounded. Knowing you, he knew you wouldn’t able to tell.
“Yeah it was fun. Your brother is hilarious you know that?” He rolled his eyes, feeling his face getting hot.
“Well yeah hes a clown” George answered shortly. Wanting you both could just drop this conversation. He didn’t like this, being jealous of his twin brother.
“ahah yeah true, youre also funny too you know” You leaned your head onto Georges arm. At this point it was hard for him to not just pulls you into a big hug. “Whats your plan for the rest of the day?” You asked looking up on him.
“Im not sure, probably just sleep” George answered looking down to you. You looked so cute leaning on to him.
“Wanna have a study date? Snape’s test tomorrow right?” George’s ears perked up at the word date.
A smile creeps on his face. “Yeah sure”
“Brilliant! I’ll see you in 2 hours then!” You gave his arm a squeeze before you go. Leaving George all smiley by himself.
2 hours later, George found himself getting ready for his study date. He finally going to make a move on you. Its obvious that you fancy him now right? At least you were the one who refers their study session as a study date.
He tried to look around for Fred but he was nowhere to be found. He feels weird do anything without asking for the older brother’s advice. But it was time to go to meet you at the Library and he didn’t want to make you wait, so he just decided to cross his fingers and hope for the best.
“Hey” George greeted you, big smile on his face. You look up at him from the book you were reading, smiling back at him. “You got a lot of stuff here” He sat down beside you, looking at paper and pens in front of him.
“Oh its not mine” You answered. “So, do you have anything you’re particularly struggling with?”
Whilst you tried your best to explain the things that he was struggling with. George was doing his best to stay focus on what youre saying instead of you. He cant help but admire your face, your cheeks, your lips. He wonders how would it feel like you press his lips against yours.
“Are you listening to me George?” You asked, knowing the answer pretty well.
“Uh yeah, im sorry I got distracted” he blinked.
You brought your hand on to his head, messing with his red hair. “you’ve been a bit distracted these days. didn’t you got smacked on your head earlier today by Snape?” you chuckled a bit running your fingers on the back of his head. “Did it hurt?” You tilted her head closer to him, rubbing the back of his head.
He couldn’t seem to think straight at this point. The fact that youre so close to him right now, he could smell your scent. He took a deep breath trying to be brave and make a move. He put his hand on top of yours, pulling it away from his head. “Y/N..” He started, linking his fingers with yours. “I think I like you”
“Yeah?” You chuckled feeling. your cheeks starting to get warm. “Whats going on George? Why are you suddenly so serious?”
“Well, Im not sure how you feel about me. But I got nothing to lose so here I am. I like you” Surprised by his words, you didn’t say anything. So he thought he could just make a move then. He leaned in closer to you getting you lips closer to each other. Not knowing what to do you just close your eyes. He smiled, taking this as a greenlight to proceed his act. Until all of the sudden-
“Your tea is here!!” Fred walked in, causing them to pull away from each other. “Hey that’s my seat George, do you not see the stuffs on the table?” He said as he sat down filling the gap between You and George.
“Fred what are you doing here?” George asked, clearly  frustrated with the situation.
“That’s not how you greet people, my dear brother” He said handing you the tea he was talking about. “Besides, youre not the only one who got invited to this study group. Right Y/N?” You just nod at him feeling flustered, thinking about what could’ve happened if Fred didn’t just walk in.
The next day, George has been avoiding you since last night. He thought you guys shared the same feeling. But yesterday proved him wrong. He was just another friend to you
Snape’s exam was a group work, being Fred’s partner obviously made you work with him for the exam. You looked so happy, George wishes it was him working with you instead of his twin brother. He hated this so much, it’s ridiculous how jealous he felt towards his twin brother right now.
The exam’s finally over, George saw you coming up to him from the corner of his eyes. “Hey” you greeted him. “Wanna go to Three Broomstick later? I haven’t really seen you all week”
“Who’s coming?” He asked, hoping this time its just the two of you. And everything that he thought about last night wasn’t true.
“Uh everyone. Fred, Lee, Angelina and others im not sure” George snickered. How stupid of him to think that you wanna be alone with him. How stupid of him to think he got a chance with you.
“I think im gonna pass on that” he took a deep breath. “Im tired. Ill see you around” He left you dumb folded, walking away towards his room.
The night comes around. The common room feels empty, his friends had left him for Three Broomstick. George just chilling alone on his bed when he heard someone opened the door.
“George?” You walked towards him, sitting at the end of his bed “Hey, im just.. I just wanna make sure everything is okay”
“Why you here” George answered bitterly. “Arent you suppose to be out with your friends, with my brother?”
“Well yeah but I wanna check up on you. And talk about last night..”
“What do you wanna talk about Y/N?” He took a deep breath. “I already get it, you see me as a friend. If anything, you like Fred more than me. I get it don’t worry. Everyone always picks him over me, im used to it”
“George
” you scotched in closer too him, trying to stop him from rambling all these nonsenses.
“Im not even sure why I thought you like me, he is the better twin. Im just me. I just thought I have a chance with you. Throughout my life, ive always get hands down from my siblings, share with my siblings.” He realised how ridiculous he sounded but it didn’t stop him. “I love how you get along with my friends. But, i just thought, I thought youre my person. Finally someone I can proudly say mine. I thought you feel the same way as I do
” Georges voice was getting quitter when he felt your hand grabbing his. “I like you a lot and I get that you don’t feel the same way. So if youre coming here to explain that i-“
His words were cut off by your lips crashing to his. “You never let me speak Georgie”  You murmured against his lips “I don’t know how you got it all wrong” you kissed his cheek lightly. “I didn’t know you felt that way. George. I like you, im your person. Ive always been“
With a big smile he pulled in for another kiss. He held on to your waist pulling you closer to him, positioning you onto his lap. You threw your and around his neck, deepening the kiss whilst his hands lazily griped your waist.
You can feel something poking between the inner part of your legs. With a slight smile you press your legs more on to him, grinding it against him. Earning a low groan from him.
He held your hips down on him, so both of you can feel more of the friction. His lips travelled to your jaw and to the back of your neck. You could feel his hot breath, sending shivers down your spine as he moved his lips closer to your ears. “Prove it” OKAY SO Let me know if you want a part 2 smut off of this HAHAH.
hehe part 2
this was quite hard to write cos i feel bad for him ahaha. this is loosely based on a true story. but i never got my Y/N :’)
MY OTHER WORKS follow me / send request / talk to me! im lonely (if u send me anonymously maybe click here) my collaborative ford anglia playlist Christmas with the Weasley playlist
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enviedear · 4 years ago
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miss moonlight, put in a word → draco malfoy
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DESCRIPTION ⌙ in which draco sees the same annoying hufflepuff he’s enamored within his dreams every night, but can’t muster up the courage to talk to her in waking life. so instead he talks to the moon, telling the rock that’s miles away, everything he wants to tell her. little does he know, she does the same thing.
PAIRING ⌙ draco x fem!reader
WORD COUNT ⌙ 3k
*:✧*:✧
its a little angsty im sorry. but im nervous abt this and have been sitting on posting it for almost a month now so please lmk if you like it :)
based off the songs talking to the moon by bruno mars and please mr sun by tommy edwards
she waves at him, her eyes holding a happy glimmer. he walks closer to her and wraps his long arms around her, pulling her close. he breathes in her scent and she giggles. it sounds like heaven. he holds her like that for what feels like forever before she pulls away.
he watches as she sits down in the grass, patting the place beside her.
“sit draco.” she commands. he complies.
“i love it when i’m asleep. you’re here and the world is so much more peaceful.” he smiles, a real true smile. not like the ones he usually gives now.
“but imagine if we were awake. the world might not be so wonderful, but we’d have each other. and the sun. and the wind. and the trees. and missus moon.” she grins, looking up at the bright blue sky.
he wants to agree, and tell her that’s all they’ll ever need. but he knows he can’t. because truth be told he needs more. he needs to know his family will be safe. he needs to know if he’ll make it out of his sixth year alive. he needs more than the sun and moon.
instead, he places his head in her lap, relishing in the way her fingers card through his hair. she sings a song he can’t place as he falls asleep. 
“i love you y/n” he whispers, right before he dozes off.
that’s how the dreams usually end. he always slips off to sleep so peacefully in your arms. but when he wakes up, he’s still in the slytherin dorm, lonely and afraid.
yours end in the same way, and when you wake, you’re clutching your pillow as if it’s him. you don’t dare tell anyone about the dreams. your friends and family would think you mad. but it’s enough for you to be able to have them, even if you’re not sure if they’re shared or not. 
you see the way he looks in the dining hall, potions, and in passing. he’s always so monotonous. so unlike the boy you’ve grown up with.
you of course have dreams, where he’s told you everything that has happened to him. he’s confessed to you that he’s working with voldemort, for his parents' sake. he even told you about dumbledore. but no matter how much you beg him to leave that life behind, he can't. besides, you’re dreaming all of this. who’s to say it’s even real. 
so you stay away, yearning for bedtime. where you can talk to the boy you love more than anything else in the world.
you’re not sure how the dreams started but you have an idea.
and so does draco.
he reckons he must have used some sort of wandless magic the night he was thinking to himself on the astronomy tower. it had been a humid night and he was all alone. his eyes deadset on the bright moon in front of him. he had just started talking.
he knew the moon wasn’t someone that could actually listen but then again, maybe that’s what he wanted? he didn’t want someone to place any input on his situation. he just wanted to speak and let his thoughts travel into the void and maybe out from his aching head.
“i just want everything to be okay. mother deserves a son who can protect her and.. father needs me. i can’t fail.  i just wish i had someone to talk to when the sun goes down. someone kind and someone warm. i know they’re somewhere out there. but maybe all i’ll ever have is you missus moon, at night when it’s just the stars to listen in to our conversation.” the boy had mumbled, before making his way to his dorm room.
you had been having a word with missus moon that night as well, alone in your hufflepuff prefect dorm. you thought yourself lucky to have a window so that you could see the stars and the moon. you were fighting sleep and had no one else to speak to, so you watched the bright yellow moon as you recounted your troubles.
“my dreams have been so bad recently missus moon. i think it’s because i’m still so scared for everyone and myself. they say the dark lord could strike any day. i’d hate for anyone i love or even myself to end up like poor cedric. i wish i had someone to talk to, someone to understand. everyone thinks i’m crazy, but they don’t know what i know. the world is getting scary. at least when the stars light up my room i have you missus moon.” you had sighed getting off the floor and laying down in your bed.
that night draco dreamt of flower fields and you. at first, the boy wondered if maybe it was real. it seemed real. he could see you and everything around you so vividly. and the same for you, you made out his platinum hair and could smell his crisp cologne. but when the two of you awoke, you knew it couldn’t be real.
until the next night, where the both of you met again in your dreams.
“are you following me?” you had asked draco.
he narrowed his eyes at you, “how could i follow you into a dream. what a stupid thing to ask.”
“you’re supposed to be nice to me. this is my dream after all.” you had pouted.
draco snorted, “i need to stop drinking tea before bed. i’m having dreams where the people in them think they’re the ones doing the dreaming.”
“but i am the one dreaming! this is my dream. i can control it, watch!” you’d grinned, before commanding a nearby tree to grow apples.
draco’s eyes had widened, “no, this can’t be right.”
you watched as he wished for the tree to grow taller before glaring at you, “smack yourself.”
you glared back at him, “no, but you can shove your fist down your throat if you’re going to be rude.”
draco circled you, “so you don’t have to do what i tell you and neither do i. strange.”
“why would i have to do what you tell me to do in my own dream?” you’d asked.
the boy had shrugged, “maybe it’s not just your dream. maybe it’s mine too.”
that’s the most the two of you ever discussed the shared dreams. after that there wasn’t a need. you both enjoyed them. both of you needed them.
once in study hall you caught draco reading a book about dreams but you didn’t ask him about it. in truth, you were too afraid to have him label you as insane.
draco found himself wanting to speak with you too. countless times. he had grown quite fond of you after the dreams he found you in every night. so in the daytime, he would sneak glances at you. he took notice if you did your hair differently or if your makeup was done. of course, he knew he couldn’t talk to you. you’d think him mad. still, he found himself dropping subtle clues to see if you’d come over to him, like reading a ghastly book about dreams in a class the two of you shared. it hadn’t worked but he could have sworn he caught you looking his way.
draco spends hours obsessing over you, the dreams, and the few glances you would give him. but the vanishing cabinet is almost fixed and he knows it’d be foolish to speak to you now. no matter how much he wishes to run into your arms and tell you to take him away from here, he won’t. 
it’s a dreary day in june and you’re getting snacks for some of the first years when you hear it. maniacal laughter and breaking glass. your first thought is to check on your house. you rush into the hufflepuff common room and make sure everyone’s ok and then urge them to stay safe. they nod and bolt to their dorms.
then, you make your way to the source of the noise. the dining hall, which is torn to shreds, is crawling with death eaters. you feel lightheaded as you watch them. out of the corner of your eye, you see professor snape making his way to the astronomy tower.
curious, you quietly sneak behind him, careful not to make yourself known. you hear a voice above you. a voice you recognize.
draco. 
you’re trying your hardest to figure out what he’s saying but you can’t. all the sounds around you are blending together and you can’t seem to calm down enough to hear anything. when the professor reaches the tower, underneath the scene of whatever is going on, you stay behind.
in a flash, the teacher is out of your vision and upstairs in the chaos.
“severus, please.” is all you hear before the killing curse bolts out of snape’s mouth.
you stand in shock as the footsteps trail out of the tower. draco. snape. dumbledore. death eaters. it was all so much.
“y/n! are you ok?” a watery-eyed harry potter asks from beside you. you don’t even question how he got here or if he saw what you did. instead, you fling your arms around him and stare at the wall petrified. no tears can escape your eyes, you’re in disbelief.
“come on. you have to breathe and we have to get down there. get your wand ready. we have to do something!” he shouts, voice breaking.
you look at him for a second before he bolts out of the room, wand in hand.
instead of trying to fight, talking to anyone about what you saw, or even going to look at your headmaster’s dead body like everyone else, you slip quietly into your prefects dorm.
you watch the moon until she’s gone and when you see mr sun the tears finally fall. you mumble, “talk to him please, mr sun.”
draco glanced at the blinding sun from the malfoy garden, where he had spent the night. he couldn’t be in that house. not after everything that happened. so instead, he sat in the garden thinking of his best thoughts, you.
he watches the sunrise, listens to the winds and the robins singing, and mutters to himself, “tell her how i feel. it shouldn’t end this way. since you are all her friends, she’ll listen to whatever you have to say.”
a baby robin sings a little louder, almost like it’s agreeing, and it causes the boy to cry.
it’s an eerily quiet early morning in the room of requirement on the second of may. you’re in the back of the room, trying to sleep. sleep has become your only form of happiness. your dreams have become a wonderful fairytale. draco is still prevalent and he holds you tighter and tighter with each night.
almost as soon as you drift to bed, you hear gasps. you look up to find harry, ron, and hermione. without a care in the world, you rush to the three just like everyone else. harry gives you a weak smile and you return it.
the three of them explain that today is the day. today is the day the world is split into two and voldemort attacks. plans are arranged and everyone holds each other close.
selfishly, you wish you could see draco. 
minutes later, a meeting is called by snape in the dining hall. You watch as neville and ginny procure robes for the green-eyed boy and walk to the hall.
the carrows look at everyone with malice in their eyes as snape drones on about a sighting of harry in hogsmeade. soon after, harry shows himself and begins arguing with the black-haired man. he tells everyone about the night in the astronomy tower.
mcgonagall throws curses at the man along with harry before he flies out of the hall. The woman looks at all of us, eyes wide but determined.
in a rush, everyone is scattered about. you follow neville to the bridge and help as much as you can. when the death eaters, led by greyback, enter hogwarts, you stand your ground. you’re ready to fight.
draco easily locates blaise and goyle before heading off to find his wand and harry potter. his chest aches with looming fear but he tries to repress it the most he can.
“i guess this is it boys.” blaise sighs.
draco looks at his friend, “we’ll be fine. just stay safe and together. don’t go weak on me now zabini.”
you’re doing your best to fight off corban yaxley but every time you’re ready to throw a killing blow his way he narrowly hits you with the killing curse. your fighting in a state of pure unadulterated anger. it’s been hours of fighting but your anger remains.
“stupid little girl, you’ll be dead before nightfall.” yaxley spits before hitting you with a weak spell. 
you still double over a bit, but hold your ground enough to raise your wand and hit him with the cruciatus curse. in the corner of your eye you watch professor flintwick begin dueling the vicious man, before running inside the castle.
fire burns everywhere around draco. he’s about to turn to blaise and say his goodbyes before potter snatches him up and leads him out of the room of requirement. the second he’s on the ground he makes a run for it. he loses blaise on the way and can’t seem to figure out where to go. he’s on the second floor, tears are pooling out of his eyes and the ache in his chest has grown when his body collides with another.
you fall back, hitting your head against the hard stone of the castle floor. when you look up, your vision is hazy and shaky.
“y/n?”
you know that voice. it’s the same voice you’ve heard every single night for a year.
“draco?” you ask, hands reaching out.
“you’re bleeding. let me help,” he says before gently healing your head.
you stare at the boy, “you know it feels weird to see you. i’ve never really spoken to you besides the dreams.”
his eyes grow wide, “you know about those?”
you smile a little, “yeah, i do.”
the two of you find yourselves entering the great hall, helping whoever you two can.
draco is comforting a teary-eyed second year when blaise zabini comes in, eyes bloodshot and clutching his right arm.
you watch as the two embrace, pulling apart so that draco can tend to his arm.
minutes that feel like hours pass as the three of you silently process the commotion going on around you.
a tattered luna lovegood emerges through the rubble and towards the three of you.
ïżœïżœeveryone’s outside now- harry he... i think you all should come with me.” her shaky voice requests.
draco looks to you and nods, helping you rise. his hand grasps yours and you all follow luna outside.
all around you is destruction. the place you’ve called home for years in now a bruised battleground and at the very center of it stands the man you’ve come to fear more than anything in the world. voldemort. 
“harry potter, is dead.” the creature laughs.
you grip draco tighter and he looks at you with an expression of sorrow.
“from this day forth you put your faith in me. and now is the time to declare yourself! come forward and join us. or die.” the man spits, smiling at the broken faces opposite him.”
it is quiet for just a moment before lucius malfoy calls for his son. you watch the man and his wife plead with him. but his hand remains in yours and feet right beside you.
you look up at him and give him your brightest smile, a smile you would give him in dreams. as he peers down at you he knows that nothing in the world means more to him than you and that smile he’s spent hours telling missus moon about.
“you insolent boy, draco!” the snake-like man hisses.
you turn to face him, eyes wide with fury and hate.
neville begins limping toward the band of villains.
“i’d like to say something.” the boys breathes out.
voldemort smirks at him, “well neville i’m sure we’d all be fascinated to hear what you have to say.”
“you’re wrong! harry’s heart did beat for us, for all of us!” and with that, he pulls the sword of godric gryffindor out of the sorting hat he’s been clutching and aims it at the deatheaters and their leader.
draco’s head cranes in harry’s direction, and in an instant, the boy flies out of hagrid’s arms and throws a spell at voldemort.
you cry out along with everyone else before watching voldemort’s followers disappear.
“come on, we’ve fought enough. i won’t let you die now!” draco commands, leading you to the bridge.
you follow, but turn to look at the castle one last time. draco stops as well and you see him meet ron and hermione’s gaze. ron nods his head and draco returns the gesture.
“let’s go draco.” you sigh.
he didn’t know he’d see you again. the two of you had gone to your home to bathe and sleep and when the boy found himself in his dreams, he saw you.
you smile at the platinum haired boy, “sit draco.”
he complies. 
“i hope you haven’t gotten tired of seeing me. i suppose it will be a lot now. to have me in waking and in sleep.” you giggle.
draco stares at you deeply, “i could never get tired of you. i’ve spent a year talking to the moon, trying to get you. in hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too. i’ve asked the sun to tell you all the things i couldn’t, the wind to whisper all the things i love about you, all the rainbows to make you smile, and the trees to take you under their branches. i’d want nothing more than this.”
you lean your head on his shoulder, “i’m here now and we have eternity to tell eachother the things we haven’t said yet.”
the two of you can’t help but to stare at the moon some nights, silently thanking missus moonlight for putting in a word.
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aroaceconfessions · 3 years ago
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Ive recently just came to the conclusion that i am aroace. Ive alway felt like a black sheep compared to my peers bc i could never understand the “butterflies” in their stomach. Ive never dated, liked, or kissed anyone. My “crushes” have never stemmed past aesthetic attraction.
It was hard coming to terms about it. I would cry and plead to know what was “wrong” with me. Ig you really should be careful what you wish for, because i got my answer.
It all hit me in a wave. I started putting all the pieces together, how it all connected with how ive been feeling mentally for yours. Learning this put me in the worst mindset ive ever been in.
Its crazy, its rare to hear talk about this community, but its almost nonexistent when it comes to the people who are aroace and disliked being this way.
It was like i was grieving this life i was never going to have, grieving this life that would never make me happy anyway. I never understood how i could feel SO sad about giving up this fantasy future, but not actually WANTING it.
The idea of finding my one true love and having a happily ever after was beautiful, but the reality made me sick.
The media is so saturated with reaching “the American dream” that society cant fathom someone not wanting that. As my mom says “my happiness doesn’t lie in the hands of someone, it lies somewhere else.”
To them its there norm, to me its something i dont want.
“But maybe you just haven’t found the right one.” Even IF by some means i find someone (just cause i dont know what the future lies) it shouldn’t negate my feelings NOW.
I found this book called “loveless” by alice oseman, and i related to it alot more than I thought; it made me feel like iw ant the only one.
I came out to my family and they were sooo supportive and accepting of me. It was shocking because i wasn’t accepting of myself yet. But once i did that, i felt like i was slowly purging myself. After i came out to them, it made me the happiest id ever been.
But i still have a small case of FOMO. Like how could i be SO sad about giving up this fantasy future that i truly didnt want?
I felt pathetic for feeling this way, i felt guilty and selfish KNOWING there are hundreds of people out there that are truly happy BEING this way. I wanted that too; just a taste of it.
Being aroace in a world where people are afraid of what they don’t understand, is a different type of lonely. A type of loneliness that you cant truly understand unless you are too.
I had it all figured out, down to the T. But now, i didnt know what my life would be like now. And it kind of scares me. Unfortunately i don’t know anyone else like me who can understand this feeling. I know that in due time, i will be happy with who i am. But right now, im not so sure..
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daydreamingintheimpalax · 4 years ago
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Little Beginnings
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Dean X Reader
Warnings: Mentions of cheating, mentions of pregnancy, possible swearing. 
A/N: Just a little something i wanted to write. Dean’s 40, Reader is 28. 
                                           ************************
You were fucking late, again. Dean was an amazing boss, and an even better friend, but just because he was a super sweet guy, didn’t mean he was going to keep letting you get away with being late. To be fair, you were about 6 months pregnant, and it did cause for a lot of doctors appointments, which Dean had driven you to a few times when Andy was too busy at work. 
Your fiance Andy and you had been engaged for the last year, deciding you were going to wait a while before getting married, Andy was up for a possible big promotion at his design company and he wanted to focus on his work, which you more than understood, so the couple times he’d failed to be there for some of the milestone appointments, you relied on the bus, making you late, opting Dean to offer to drive you so the other staff members would stop harrassing him about special treatment. I mean, you were pregnant, and it wasn’t your fault the appointments ran longer than usual and you’d missed the bus one too many times. 
The bell above the auto shop jingled, signaling that you were finally at work, you were out of breath, stopping slightly to hold your belly. “I’m here, i’m here, i’m so sorry, it was suppsed to be a simple scan and then she thought she saw something and wanted to do a more extensive exam, and i promise next time i’ll just have her reschedule for my day off.” You gasped, out of breath from running all the way from the bus stop, all the extra weight making it harder to move fast. 
Dean waved his hand dismissively, you could see he was sort of lost, trying to work the register, Dean wasn’t good at the front end work, he was however the best mechanic in town, so he handled the cars and you handled the cash. 
“Hey, don’t worry about it, not your fault, if the doctor said you needed it then she must have been worried,” he finally stops and looks at you concerned, “Everything okay? are you and the baby okay?” He asks and you smile widely. 
“SHE and i are just fine, she was just being squirmy.” You jump a little in place, finally having found out the sex. Dean’s eyes widen and a pure look of excitement and joy crosses his face.
“No way? It’s a girl?” He asks and you nod, squealing. Dean lets out a laugh and makes his way over, pulling you into him, not caring that he’s in his greasy work coveralls. “Congratulations, sweetheart!!” He speaks, placing a small kiss to your head. 
He smells like car oil, a little musk from all the sweating from working in the extreme heat and the lingering scent of his aftershave and bodywash. It comforts you, you take a breath, taking in the smell, the familiar smell, Dean has always welcomed you with open arms, making you feel perfectly at home in his auto shop for the last 4 years. He had made you feel loved and valued when your own parents basically banished you for being pregnant before being married. If they had their way, you would’ve been married years ago, they had their opinions and beleifs and you didn’t follow them, and because of it, they hadn’t spoken to you since you told them the news. 
“Have you told Andy yet?” He smiles, you shake your head, moving around him to show him how to open the cash. “Not yet, we’re suppsed to have dinner tonight, i was going to tell him then.” You smile, hardly containing your excitement. You open the register and Dean let’s out a small ‘yes’ before squishing your face, “What am i going to do without you while you’re gone.” He speaks and pinches your nose. You shove his hand away.
“You’ll be fine, plus if you need anything, call. No questions asked, just call.” You smile widely and he returns it. 
The rest of your shift goes smoothly, you count the register at the end of the day, Dean cleans up and changes, grease still on him but for the most part he got it off, he waits for you and like a true well raised gentleman, he drives you home, not wanting you to walk or take the bus alone at night. 
                                  ************************************
When you walk into your apartment, you don’t see Andy on the couch watching tv like he usually is, you assume maybe hes making dinner, since you are home much earlier than expected, the shop hadn’t been overly busy and Dean was so good with cars he had finished all his jobs for the day early.
You hang your coat up and walk into the kitchen, expecting to see Andy cooking, instead, your greeted with silence, with two almost empty plates on your kitchen table, but the part that makes your heart sink into your stomach is the two wine glasses, one, which has a very clear lipstick mark on it. 
A bang comes from your bedroom upstairs, the fire in you already ready to explode. You make your way upstairs, and before you realize it, your swinging your bedroom door open, a woman is sprawled on your bed, her ass in the air as your fiance drills her from behind, his one hand gripping her hair as the other rests on the headboard, she lets out a scream and he swears under his breath. Finally able to speak you clear your throat. 
“Are you fucking kidding me!” You yell and Andy freezes, the girl letting out a whine before she finally peels her head from your pillow. Your fucking god damn pillow. 
“Oh my god, who is that.” She squeals before yaking herself off the bed and away from him, holding your blanket to cover herself up. 
“I’m his fiance, his pregnant fiance. Who the fuck are you!” you scream, livid. 
Andy is up, blanket around his waist before he’s walking towards you. “Baby, this isn’t- i uh- i can explain.” He stumbles over his words, not knowing what to do or say.
You glare at him, “How long?” you ask, he shakes his head confused. “How long have you been fucking her? and don’t you dare fucking lie to me right now Andy!” You scream and he flinches, not used to your high vocals right now. 
He sighs, “Since you told me about the pregnancy.” He admits, running a hand through his hair, “Listen, i need to explain, i just, i needed a break, everything with the pregnancy has been too much to handle and im stressed with work, now the pregnany, i just, i needed to get away from it all.” He speaks and soon enough you’re in his face. 
“What are you sick of Andy? The fact you have barely been home since i told you about it? or the fact you haven’t been to one single appointment? Not the first time we got to see it, not the first time we got to hear the heartbeat, and now, you couldn’t be bothered to come find out the sex with me, it’s a girl, FYI, you havent been around for any of it. So what exactly are you sick of? you’re a worthless piece of shit, and i never want to see you again. Go fuck yourself.” You finish it off with a slap to his face, the contact is so loud, even the girl behind him flinches. 
She gives you a small smile when you make eye contact. “I’m really sorry, i didn’t know, he never mentioned you or the baby, if i had known...” she pauses, obvious guilt in her face. You shrug, “I know, do yourself a favour, find a better man to give yourself to, trust me, this one isn’t worth it.” You tell her, she swallows before grabbing her clothes and leaving the room, but not before glaring at Andy herself, “Don’t ever call me again.” She spits at him and he flinches, he tries to get close to you and you back away, skaking your head. 
“No, i’m leaving.” You spit out and he frowns, a little angry. “Where are you going? You’re pregnant and you know damn well your parents won’t take you back in.” He says it with a tone, almost like he’s proud to know that’s true, without them, you have nowhere to go. 
“I’ll figure something out, i haven’t needed you for the last 6 months, and obviously i still don’t.” You state, grabbing the prepared hospital bag you had done two months ago, for the most part it had enough stuff in it to get you by for a few days and you’d eventually come back for the rest of your stuff, preferably when Andy was away at work.
You storm out, getting into the car you had spent years saving to get, you had bought it on your own, but had decided since Andy made more money that he needed it more. As you drive away, you can hear Andy shouting, you roll down your window and catch the ending. 
“You stupid bitch, how the fuck am i supposed to get to work!” He shouts, you laugh, “Take a bus, asshole. I paid for the car!” Before you’re peeling out of what is no longer your drive way.
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Dean’s surprised when he hears his phone ring, he isn’t expecting any calls, usually Sam is the only one who calls him, to be honest, he’s pretty much lonely most of the time. 
 Sammy tries to call each week, but he’s usually busy with work or the kids so usually Dean’s alone. Some days he wishes he had done what Sam did, settle down with a nice girl, have some babies, but most of the women he had dated just wanted the idea of a hardworking attractive man by their side, when it came down to it, they backed off when they realized he’d wanted more. it worked out for the best, none of the women in his life had ever truly been longterm material, sometimes he regretted having too much fun and not enough substance, airheads only stayed interesting for so long. 
It’s 8:30 pm and he had just finished making one of his best pasta dishes if he does say so himself. He was about to dig in and turn on some criminal minds when his phone had gone off, he stares at it, not recognizing the number. 
“Hello?” He speaks and a feminine voice is heard, “Hi, may i please speak to Mr. Dean Winchester?” She asks and he clears his throat, “Uh, speaking, who is this?” he raises a brow and his heart sinks slightly when he hears her speak. 
“Hi Mr. Winchester, my name is Sadie and i am calling on behalf of Miss Y/N Y/L/N, i’m a nurse at memorial hospital and Y/N was in a small car accident earlier and she had you listed as her second  emergency contact, she refused to allow me to call her first contact.” She speaks, Dean’s barely listened, he interupts her, completely worried why he’s being called.
“What? Where is Y/n, is she okay? is the baby okay? what happened?” He talks a mile a minute before the nurse calms him down. 
“She and the baby are fine, she is however a little shaken up, can we ask that you come down here, maybe take her home, she refuses anymore help insisting she’s fine and she wont let us call her fiance.” The nurse sighs and Dean agrees. 
He reaches the hospital in 15 minutes, rushing through the place to find y/n. Eventually he finds the nurse that called and he’s led straight to the room you’re in, you’re sitting in the bed, hands on your belly, moving them around and smiling when you feel your baby move. He let’s out a relieved sigh to see you’re okay, and thankfully, still pregnant. 
“Y/N?” He speaks and your head shoots up, you let out a soft smile, he can tell you’ve been crying. “Hey Dee, glad to see you own something other than flannel and ripped jeans.” You smirk, he looks down at his sweat pants and hoddie, smiling to himself before letting out a small chuckle. 
“Theyre my comfy clothes, shut up.” He teases and you giggle. He moves closer, sitting on your bed near you. “You wanna tell me what the hell happened, sweetheart?” He asks and you look down, focused on your hands on your belly, biting the inside of your cheek. 
“After you drove me home, i walked in on Andy fucking some girl in doggy on our bed, i was furious and yelled at him before slapping him and leaving, i grabbed my to go bag and didn’t even care if it wasn’t enough and left, i took my car and just drove off, i didn’t really know where to go and i started crying because Andy was right about my parents probably not wanting me back, so i cried harder and i guess i couldn’t see clearly and went off road. It wasn’t bad, but i sorta put some dents and bumps in it, a jogger found me and insisted i go to a hospital and called the abulance.” You shrugged. 
Dean scoffed, “Are you fucking serious, the nerve of that jackass, i swear if i ever see him i’m gonn-” You cut him off. “Dee, it’s not worth it, i’m mostly just mad at myself for not seeing it, the missed appointments, the constant late nights, he didn’t want this, the marriage, the pregnancy, he wasn’t ready, i should’ve figured it out, i should’ve seen it.” You shrug softly, wiping a tear from your eye.
Dean sighs, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Hey, listen to me, this isn’t your fault, you didn’t force him to have sex with you, and you sure as hell didn’t get pregnant on purpose, if he didn’t want a kid, he should’ve kept his shit wrapped. He’s the asshole in this situation, not you. As for where to go, you should’ve called me, you know i always have your back. You’re staying with me,” you’re about to interupt him but he shuts you up with a hand, “No, no talking, and i’m not leaving you alone, you’re moving in with me and that’s final.” You huff and pout, making him roll his eyes. 
“Don’t try to cute your way outta this, and don’t be stubborn, i got plenty of space not being used, i could use the company.” You huff, “Fine, but at least let me pitch in for rent..” He cuts you off, “No. I’m not charging you, save your money for the baby stuff your gonna need, just help me keep my fridge stocked and we’ll call it even, i’m a bad grocery shopper.” He smiles, you roll your eyes but agree. 
                                        *****************************
“Hey dee?” You speak as he drives you back to his place, “Yeah?” he hums as he fiddles with the radio before landing on a station. You look over at him and smile. 
“Why can’t all the guys in the world be more like you?” You smile softly and he chuckles, “That wouldn’t make me one of a kind now would it darlin,” he shoots you a wink and you laugh, shaking your head. 
“No seriously though, thank you, for everything, the job, the constant rides, always making sure im eating, getting my vitamins and water intake, always keeping your mini fridge in your office stocked with snacks, you’re literally amazing, and i don’t think i could’ve handled this whole siatuation well if it wasn’t for you. At this point, you’ve done more for me and this little girl than her father has, i need you to know how much i appreciate you.” You reach over, grabbing his hand and he looks over and smiles.
“I know y/n, don’t you worry about it. Besides, one of you already has me wrapped around her finger, what’s one more? Hmm?” He smirks, laughing at your shocked face. You shake your head at him, smiling as parks the car in his driveway. You both get out of the car, but before Dean can walk to his door, you pull him back towards you.
He’s surprised at first then melts into the kiss, wrapping his arms around your slightly big middle, he chuckles and pulls away when he feels movement in your belly. You laugh softly, “I think she likes you, she’s all excited.” You smile, letting him place his hand on your belly, feeling all the movement going on. 
He smiles gently, “yeah well, i like her too, i really REALLY like her mom though.” He states, leaning in to kiss you yet again. 
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Tags: @akshi8278
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peggyrose19 · 4 years ago
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Picture Frames and Ocean Waves
Heeheehee we’re back with some St. Tweedle angst, part 1. This is not related to the newest chapter, although there will be something coming at some point related to that, don’t you worry :) Anyway, here’s Saint looking back on the day Luke left for university.
song for this fic: Castaway - 5SOS (i did say ages ago it had rk vibes)
characters by @lumosinlove. tagging @im-oknutzy-trash and @wonder-womans-ex my st. tweedle partners in crime.
Saint stared unseeingly out at the ocean. The waves crashed and melted into each other, the same grey-blue as the sky. It was cold out, what passed for winter fast approaching as September came to a close, but Saint didn’t notice the chill in the air. Nor did he particularly care. Luke’s house loomed behind him, empty save for the housekeeper, busy somewhere in the heart of it. His mom was somewhere; Saint didn’t particularly care. He cared far more about where Luke was, hundreds of miles away at university. 
That last summer had crept up on them fast. Saint had always known he’d never be able to leave the island, at least not for long. And he’d always known Luke would never be able to stay. He had just never imagined it hurting quite so much.
“Hey, Tweedle,” Saint sang, pulling himself easily through Luke’s open window. He left it open a lot these days. 
Luke didn’t look up from his laptop sitting before him on his bed. “Hey.”
Saint peered over his shoulder. “What’re you working on?”
“Nothing,” he replied tersely. “‘M waiting.”
“For?” Saint prompted. It was like pulling teeth with him sometimes. 
“Decisions come out today. This is my first choice school.” He gestured to the screen, and Saint squinted at it. 
“Oh.” Saint felt something welling up in him, some foreign feeling that choked the air from his lungs and made his heart constrict painfully. He decidedly did not like it. 
“Yeah. Should be out in-” Luke glanced at the clock- “two minutes.” 
“So why are you looking now?”
Luke glanced away from the screen to glare at Saint, who just smirked at him. 
“I hate it when you make sense,” he grumbled. Saint grinned, and leaned down to press a quick kiss to Luke’s lips. 
“Bet I can distract you for the next, hmmm 90 seconds,” he murmured. Luke looked as though he wanted to protest, but Saint cocked an eyebrow, and he seemed to give in, tilting his chin up again to catch Saint’s lips once more. 
Saint had always loved kissing Luke. He was warm, comforting. Familiar. Even that first time, pushed against the wall in this very room, wrists pinned under Luke’s strong grip. Or the second time, being pelted with wind and rain in the middle of the ocean, torn apart by the storm too soon. They’d kissed many times since then, more than kissed, and yet it never got old for Saint, never lost the magic and comfort Luke brought. 
“Mmph, gotta check,” Luke muttered against his lips, pulling Saint from his thoughts. Saint rolled his eyes, Luke already turned away. He raised a hand to his lips, the taste of Luke still on his tongue. 
He watched lazily as Luke refreshed the page, logging in once more with a frustrated groan. But his fingers froze on the keyboard as it loaded and a letter popped up on the screen. 
“I got in,” he breathed. “I got in.” He turned to Saint with wild eyes, a smile alighting his face, and Saint didn’t know what to do with that.
He tried for a smile. “Well, of course you did Tweedle.” 
In the next moment, Saint found himself in Luke’s arms, falling awkwardly back against the mattress. Luke held him close, and as his body shook, Saint realized Luke was laughing.  
“Why are you laughing?” Saint asked, pulling back as best he could to see Luke’s face. His eyes held more joy than Saint had never seen in them. 
“Cause I fucking got in! I’m going to fucking university, Saint!” 
“It means you’re leaving.”
That was the thing, wasn’t it? Luke was always going to leave, the island, his family, Saint. For a while, Saint had had a chance at keeping him. With his father in prison, Saint knew there was no chance of him leaving. But then he was released. And then arrested once more. And Luke had given up. 
And Saint had lost his chance.
He wanted Luke back. He wanted him home and safe and in his arms, not off at some fucking university with strangers and a new city and not him. Of course, Saint would rather be caught dead than admit that. 
He’d said it anyway. And then Luke had left.
The sun had long since set when Luke said goodbye. Saint stood beside him on the beach, watching the calm waves lap at the shore. He held tightly to Luke’s hand. 
“I don’t want you to go,” Saint had whispered, words getting washed away by the breeze. But Luke heard him. He always did. 
“I know.”
Saint hugged wryly. “You’re still going though. Aren’t you?” 
“I have to, Saint. I can’t go back now, it’s too late. I leave in the morning.”
Saint squeezed his eyes shut, fighting down the fear and anger and pain that threatened to well up and spill out, refusing to show all the terrible weakness he always kept hidden. 
But Luke always seemed to know, as he reached out to cup Saint’s cheek, warm and comforting. Saint turned into his hand, but said nothing, refusing to look at him. He knew he’d only find pity and sorrow in those eyes, and that would only make him break. 
“Saint. Look at me.” Those nimble fingers lifted his chin until their eyes met. Saint immediately wanted to look away. “Don’t be mad at me. Please.”
“Why not?” 
“Because, Saint! Not all of us can just stay on this fucking island! I get that you have some twisted need to stay here, but I can't. Okay? I am not you. I have to get out. And this is my way.”
Saint stared at Luke with wide eyes. He rarely snapped. Last time had been almost a year ago, at James’ house, right before that cursed storm had hit. 
“Fine.” 
And he turned and walked away.
When Saint looked back on it, he wished he hadn't left. He wished he’d stayed, or turned around as Luke called after him. 
He wished a lot of things. 
With a sigh, he turned his back on the familiar sea and walked across the Deveaux’s perfectly manicured lawn towards the house. He crept around back, to the familiar window always lit with golden light. Luke had left it open. 
Saint eased the window open and climbed inside, flipping on the lamp on Luke’s bedside table. The room filled with light, reminding Saint of late summer nights spent lying on Luke’s bed together, sometimes reading, sometimes kissing. 
With a sigh, he turned to Luke’s desk, and the scant few items left there. A lamp, a few pens and pencils, various knick-knacks, a few books, some photos. Saint’s gaze stopped on them. The top one was a picture Luke had taken back in February. It was of him, flipping off the camera with a smirk. 
He remembered that day. The two of them had fallen asleep on the beach that night, woken at dawn by the sunlight. Saint had sand in his hair, blown to the side by the wind. Luke had smiled at him for a long moment, sun lighting up his eyes, before pulling out his nearly-dead phone and snapping a picture. But not before Saint flipped him off. 
He hadn’t known Luke printed it out, wasn’t actually sure how he’d done it. There were others, of the beach, of the lacrosse fields, even one of the two of them together. He didn’t know why he’d left them there either. Or maybe he did. 
Saint felt
 lonely, without Luke. He had no anchor anymore, left adrift at sea, abandoned. He couldn’t help but compare Luke to his mom, leaving him behind with barely a backward glance, never giving him a second thought. It hurt, in a way he hated himself for, hated his mom and Luke and everyone else for. Not that they’d truly done anything wrong. Or maybe they had. Saint didn’t know anymore. 
The morning Luke left, Saint waited for him at the docks. Boat was the only way off the island, with the airstrip long out of commission. Saint had watched Luke and his mom pull up, her car looking shiny and new as it always did. Luke had climbed out with barely a second glance, tugging his backpack and suitcase out of the trunk. Saint guessed one didn’t need much at university. 
Luke didn’t see him, but that was intentional. Saint didn’t want to be seen. The night before seemed so far away, so different from the morning. He didn’t know how they’d gotten here, avoiding each other, hating each other. Well. Pretending to hate each other. Saint could never truly hate him. 
With a sinking feeling in his chest, Saint watched Luke climb onto the boat and disappear below deck. He felt like a clichĂ© movie character, waving their lover off to war or some shit, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away. Even with Luke out of sight, that pull stayed, long after the boat pulled away and became a small dot on the horizon. 
He had turned away angrily, pretending the tears in his eyes were from the wind or the pollen.
His heart had cracked, the day Luke left. A part of it sailing off to some other country, some other continent. These days Saint couldn’t quite decide if he wanted it back or not. He wanted Luke back, more than he truly cared to consider. But he had given Luke a part of himself knowing full well what it might mean, what it might lead to. And he’d done it anyway, choosing to trust him in what may just have been the stupidest move in his life. 
One day, he’d come back. As Saint sank into Luke’s desk chair, the picture in his hands, he could only hope that was true.
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magnusgoetia · 3 years ago
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Transcript of a Sinner’s Conversation: A Meeting with Caecus
--Begin (In Medias Res)--
Sinner: You kiddin'? Dyin' was the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Caecus: There’s nothing you left behind? No family to miss?
Sinner: My family? Fuck 'em, I'd ‘ave hired 'elp to kill 'em already if it meant they'd be dead-dead, and I wouldn't have to spend time wiv 'em down 'ere. It wouldn't be right for me to force this on my friends either, but they'll be 'ere in due time anyway. I can wait.
Caecus: So, you’re expecting your friends to join you here as well. The wait must be awfully lonely.
Sinner: Ah, not really. I’ve made friends while I’m ‘ere. The shit I can do ‘ere is like, fucking magic and with it I can make up for what I lack in a lot of different ways. Just wish I could remember how I ‘ad died.
Caecus: Maybe it’s better not to remember
 Not all of us intended to be here, after all.
Sinner: No. No, perhaps it’s best not to remember. I quickly found out that it's not just evil folks that end up here, lots of good folks, plenty of weird ones too. I'm sensing you’re of the “gooder” ones, you radiate...well, it’s 'ard to describe, but I don't sense any hostility from you at the very least, even though you were born ‘ere.
Caecus: How amiable of you. But remember, a birth is just a new beginning of sorts. You couldn’t have been alone since you were
 delivered to us.
Sinner: Ah, you’re a poetic type aren’t ya? Anyway, I’ve not made many friends but I do ‘ave a particular fondness for this one clown...me an' 'im seem to 'ave this weird connection wiv each other. Actually, he's more of a jester type, though rather embarrassingly his name escapes me...
Caecus: Are you, by chance, referring to an imp named Blocko?
Sinner: Yeah, don’t surprise me you know ‘im. He seems like the type to ‘ave a particular reputation.
Caecus: That he does, and yet a divine will connects us. I’m being led to believe your intriguing appearance has an even more
 intriguing history.
Sinner: Riiiight...Well, you know what they say about skeletons and closets. Though I suppose I ‘ave nothing to hide ‘ere...Well, to put it simply, I was a broken kid. I never got help, and I did... unspeakable things to anyone who ‘ad wronged me—or simply didn't like.
Caecus: Even the purest of souls can be corrupted by another’s sins.
Sinner: Yeah...Well, it's not like I'll stop doin’ what I did while I was alive, with all that murder and hedonism. Though death has a way of humbling some people...In any case, the murders mostly stopped as I grew older. I seemed to have preferred to just traumatise people instead, ruin lives of the people I saw as bad or evil.
Caecus: Then you found a different punishment for those you had judged.
Sinner: I suppose so. A lot of it involved me spying on groups of people. I'd worm my way into the seedy societies that thought they were safe in their little circles and collect dirt on them. Really sick shit too by the way but don’t worry, the hypocrisy wasn’t lost on me either.
Caecus: Oh? You judged yourself a hypocrite yet continued along a path of self-appointed righteousness... Why?
Sinner: I don’t know, maybe a sense of catharsis? A lot of these were people who I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about killing or whatever. Sometimes it was more personal too, there were—still are people I am attached to up there that got hurt, and I took my revenge on them in their place.
Caecus: Ahh, how noble. Fighting for your friends.
Sinner: Yeah, there was this one particular bastard. Actually, there were a few
but
eh, nevermind
this one particular guy who was essentially lying to one of these “friends” and caused them a psychotic breakdown. I didn’t take action right away, but I did end up killing ‘im. Didn’t even bother hiding the fact it was a murder.
Caecus: What made you wait?
Sinner: Money, mostly. It makes the world up there spin, and you need a lot of it to get anything done, right? Well, I ‘ad to wait until I ‘ad enough money to fly to the states on top of all that shit involved in immigratin’. When I settled in, that’s when I made my move on a buncha grudges. This guy was just the first. Moving to the states made my life a lot easier in some ways. Was a lot easier to sleep when I took care of the grudges too.
Caecus: Oh, wow. You must have had remarkable resolve to keep a “grudge” that long
 Tell me, did all of them truly deserve it?
Sinner: No, most didn’t, but I am
was, an angry person. I found I was very much capable of venting my anger, to put it mildly, and I was much too young when I had...shall we say...discovered it.
Caecus: Young minds are impressionable.
Sinner: Right, and the fact that I was generally good at getting away with it made me feel just that little bit better about it.
Caecus: So, you exploited that validation to continue justifying your actions. Most sinners in your position never reach awareness...
Sinner: Yeah? I’ll take that as a compliment, but I was totally emotionally disconnected when committing my crimes. Afterwards I pretty much always dealt with conflict. Cognitive dissonance is a bitch. Though I had largely stopped my ways. I’m ‘aving way too much fun down ‘ere, and even though I won’t drag ‘em down here with me, I’d love to have my friends join me eventually.
Caecus: Would they be pleased being here, embrace this existence like you have?
Sinner: I dunno, some of them have a hard enough time as it is with one existence, I doubt they’ll be too happy to find out there’s another waitin’ for ‘em. The others I’d imagine would be quite surprised all the same, being atheists and such, but I reckon they’d come to like it.
Caecus: An existence you cannot escape is itself a prison. Albeit, choosing to enjoy it in spite of that perspective is a marvelous thing. If you could imagine them in your presence, what would you do?
Sinner: Again, I dunno. It’s hard to tell when they’re not here yet but I am somewhat interested in what’ll end up happening should they get here. I dunno if I’ll be able to tell if it’s them even.
Caecus: And how do you dare to enjoy existence now?
Sinner: Well, I’ve been doing everything I’ve ever wanted to do but could never do in life amongst other things. It’s kinda embarrassing, but I played a bunch of video games, so I miss those quite a bit. I’ve found plenty of ways to fill that void though. Some of your movies are pretty sick down ‘ere, and importing goods from the other rings to ‘ere means I don’t miss out
mostly, on their fun too. I just wish I could explore the other rings; I don’t get why us sinners can’t.
Caecus: Decretum is often difficult to understand. However, it would seem a blessing that you’ve been placed with the multifarious company of the pride ring.
Sinner: True enough, whatever that means. There’s a lot of strip clubs, greedy businesses and shit, stuff you think you’d only find in the other rings. Though I think I probably would’ve ended up in wrath if we landed in the rings based on our sins.
Caecus: Most catechisms view wrath as an excessive anger. You strike me as having more control than the average sinner.
Sinner: A lot of people on the surface woulda said the same too, I was and I suppose still am really good at keeping it in check, well, good enough to not make it obvious anyway. Though it’s been a lot tougher down here.
Caecus: This is a realm of collective temptation, after all.
Sinner: My only judge here is myself and perhaps my peers if I let them. I still kill down here, but it’s been in self-defence. I don’t think I’ve killed anyone out of anger yet but let’s just say I’d feel sorry for the poor sod who happened to piss me off on a bad day.
Caecus: You’ve always been your own judge. I suspect the lack of good comparisons for your behavior here has coaxed you further.
Sinner: Actually, I could tell you about the first person I “killed” down here. It was soon after I woke up. I suppose this guy thought it’d be easy—fresh sinner, just in time to be another tally mark on some statistic.
Caecus: A second death, the lake of fire

Sinner: Uh...yeah, I reacted on instinct and it musta been a sort of “kiss of death” type shit. I only touched the dude with my hand, and he just kinda
shrivelled up and died. You know
like when a cartoon character eats a lemo—ah sorry, you can’t watch TV.
Caecus: Ah, yes
 a shrivelling death is nevertheless descriptive.
Sinner: Anyway, I have a bunch of other powers too but that one I’m most afraid of you know? I can drop the ambient temperature of an area so shit gets cold, have some form of telekinesis and a buncha other stuff, like I have some kinda control over this weird glowy energy, it’s how I have my eyes, which are purely for show, I don’t need them since I can see perfectly fine without ‘em...not that you’d know I even have ‘em.
Caecus: I’m aware you observe our world, in a traditional sense. My observations are just a bit more
 unorthodox. And I feel as if your fear is not from a lack of understanding.
Sinner: Well I seem to have it under control, but I’m afraid in a moment of weakness I might react without thinking, you know? I’ve not had it happen yet, but it would be so easy when flippin’ out that I just give ‘em the ol’ touch of death.
Caecus: Even a king’s heart is just a stream of water to the hand of
 fate.
Sinner: Gonna be honest, I haven’t the foggiest of what you just said. Though if I’m being honest myself, I couldn’t care less if it was someone I didn’t know anyway. Only really care about my friends and such. You seem pretty neat yourself.
Caecus: The impression is mutual. It’s not often that I’m seen as anything other than senseless and intimidating. I don’t find it unwarranted, granted; my appearance is as disconcerting as my psyche.
Sinner: How do you even know what you look like? It’s not like you can just look into a mirror.
Caecus: I was presented with a vision soon before I arrived, my last blessing I suppose
 Regardless, my rebirth is a tale for another time. I’ve relished in your company long enough, and I must answer my calling. I’m sure our paths will converge again.
Sinner: Hey, I hope so too...uh....
Caecus: Please, call me Caecus.
Sinner: Well, it’s only polite to give you my name too. I go by many names here, but I am quite fond of “Mr. Death” as silly as it sounds.
Caecus: Silly, yes, but very becoming of you. A pleasure, Mr. Death.
Mr. Death:Well, don’t let me keep you. I’d like to see you again sometime, Caecus. I’ll take my leave.
Caecus: All in due time.
--End--
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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 5 years ago
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“Just a Few Days”
Summary- Bucky x Y/N. Bucky hadnt been home for long, but is sent back out on a mission. You and him decide on how to spend his time home once he gets back. Written for @the--sad--hatter The Weird and The Wonderful- writing challenge. Congrats babes on your milestone! Prompt is written in bold. Smut. Written in the same verse as Changes
Word Count- 3.1k
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“You really think you can pin me Barnes?” You taunted the super soldier while the two of you circled the mat, giving him a taunting grin. His movements were almost cat like, slinking along on pads of his bare feet, his hands flexed in a relaxed manner at his side. He knew, you werent easy to catch. Flexible and quick as you were, this morning in the early hours of dawn you managed to pin him easily in the bed. Kisses raining down from your sweet lips to travel down his body as you wrapped your hands around his erection. You had smirked at him then in a similar way you were now. 
His sweat pants hid the tensing of muscles, preparing his move. “As long as I stay away from that pretty mouth of yours I can.” You smirk, recalling the blow job you given this morning. Bucky could see you were distracted at his words and he reached for a grasp. Your hand coming up to block his hold and jab out with one of your own, twisting around to his back, you scramble onto his shoulders, a move Nat so nicely shared with you, his head clasped between your thighs, you throw your weight forward, the two of you falling forward. You promptly slap the ground with your arms, and move into a roll. Bucky, prepared for it rolled as well and landed back on his feet to your back. 
“You had no problem with my mouth this morning” You huff out and still in the midst of sparring, he wraps his arm around your neck and slams you back to his chest, chuckling near your ear. “I would say my biggest weakness Doll. And check” Hes taunting you again, knowing you always hesitated attacking him. This is your chance to escape or relent the match to him, and you fall back to the age old tried and true. Your foot slamming down in the instep of his leg, and elbow sharply jarring back into his abdomen. 
An oof backed him up, and you spun around to see Bucky grinning at you and rubbing where your elbow clipped him. “Damn good Y/N, I was hoping you would break loose.” You blush at the compliment, and move over to him, placing your hand where you got him. “Im sorry, I know you say to attack fully, but I still feel guilty about it.Doesnt hurt right?” Silly question you know, but still....  
“I know you do Doll, and no. More of a surprise then anything, ive had worst.” His arm slung over your shoulder and he kissed your forehead just as Sam entered the ring, carrying a tablet with him. You get a sinking feeling, you know what it means. 
“You two call that foreplay? take it to your room.” Sam joked and Bucky muttered a “shut up Wilson, what you got?” 
“Listen I know you just got back, but this is an in and out case, and Steve figured you would want in on this one.” You glance over the details, a hydra base, an old one. From the notes it claimed Bucky might have been associated with its operation back in the day and might still be in semi activity now. Your hand rubs against his back when you feel him stiffen at your side, knowing he just saw the same information you had. “How long will we be gone?” you noted a hint of weariness in his voice, hesitation. 
“Couple days, few at best. Were gonna be headed out in an hour.” 
Of course they were. 
Little later, you and Bucky are getting ready for your goodbyes, so soon, you hated it since he had just gotten back. “Hey Doll, just a couple days. When I get back, Im taking a few weeks, screw ‘em all. Me and you will get out of here. Wherever we want to go.” Bucky did his best to bring a smile back to your face.
You brighten much to his relief at the suggestion, nodding” I would really like that.” a mischievous glint shines in your eyes and you lower your voice in a tease as you glance over his shoulder to where Steve is getting on the jet. “Can we just go on the road without telling anyone and call Steve to tell him were MIA for a while?”
Bucky laughs and nods, tilting your chin up to place a teasing deep kiss goodbye on it. “We can although Steve rather likes rebellion. You might get a better reaction out of Tony. I will see you in a few days doll, I love you.” 
“Love you to Sargent, I will see you when you come home.” 
He turned to walk away, a glance over his shoulder showed you flashing him a smile and a little wave, the lights behind you shimmering around your form in a silhouette. It would be one of the moments he would think back on later. Sam said its just a couple days. 
Turns out Sam is a god damn liar. 
What was one base turned into following leads to others still functioning. Flushing them out, chasing another lead, it had been weeks at this point, and to say Bucky wasnt kicking himself for jumping back into it all so soon would be an understatement. At about the third week mark, he had enough of being around the rest of the team on the jet, and set out to camp in the run down base. Setting up his site, he was soon joined by Steve and Sam. 
“I dont remember giving yall permission to take up in my space.” Bucky growled, kicking open his sleeping mat, and wishing sorely that it was your bed, with your soft words filling his mind and warm body wrapped around his. Not these two fuckers who thought that this was home as they made themselves all cozy as fuck. Yea, he was in a bad mood. “And you said this was just gonna be for a couple days.” he growled slightly at Sam, who was unaffected by Buckys mood. 
“You know how these things go Buck.” Steve said from where he was patching his suit, his large fingers nimble as he threaded the needle and dragged his suit in his lap. “But it will just be a few more days I think. Have you called Y/N today?” HIs friend never looked up from his mending and Bucky went from pissed off to resigned, digging into his gear to find the stark phone Tony gave all of you. “No... but I am.” 
Leaving the two of them behind, he stepped out into the night, glancing at the time. It would be mid afternoon for you, you would be busy training recruits with Barton and Romanoff, or in the field, unlike him though, closer to home. How he wished he was there now, he missed you terribly. Regardless, he would leave you a voice message, knowing that it would cheer you up. 
“Hey Doll, I miss you like fucking crazy babygirl. I hope things are better at home then here. I cant go into much details, but they basically just have us chasing leads. Steve did say just a few more days...” He snorted a bit, and brushed his hand through his hair in frustration. “Anyways, be sure to have your bag packed, cause the minute I land, were leaving. Well, maybe two. I mean a man has needs after all, and I have missed your sweet lips of yours. Those killer thighs wrapped around me to. Okay... Love you always Beautiful.” Hanging up, he sighed and tilted his head up to look at the full silver moon, making him think of you once more. You loved those aesthetic pictures, the way the stars shimmered around the giant orb, it made him recall looking back at you waving goodbye. Your braid laying over your shoulder and you kept that upbeat look on your face, the lights, they shimmered around you and it made his chest ache for you all over again. Lifting his phone, he snapped a picture. 
Over the next week, his message and the picture was what you fell back to, making you smile when you found yourself missing him. Often during the busy meetings where you were busy helping set up recruit schedules, moments training when you wondered what move would he be using on the person in the ring, to lonely nights fading into mornings, where you laid there, trying to find sleep and missing his heavy body enveloping yours in that protective hold of his. This particular night, you were laying in a half slumber when you heard it. The front door click, and then Buckys rough voice remarking on the softer side in case you were sleeping. 
“Son of a bitch keys and this dumb ass lock always sticking.” 
You hear his voice and grab his henley you discarded on the floor to yank on and race down the hallway to your front room, he dropped his bag on the floor and held open his arms to you that left you giving a squeal of excitement, jumping into his arms. “You bastard I missed you!” you rush your words, wrapping your arm around his neck and kissing him fiercely. 
“I couldnt tell” He growled as his hands slid along your bare ass, and squeezed firmly, arching his brows at your naked behind. You grin and nip at his lips, rolling your hips against him in a tease. “I knew you were coming home.” 
“Uh huh, sure you did. Its hot your just wearing my shirt. But I want that off in two fucking seconds while you get that cute little ass of yours back to the bedroom.” Releasing you, you fall to the balls of your feet, sprinting back towards the bedroom while discarding the henley, hopping on the bed. Bucky sauntered to the room, shedding clothing as he went along,kicking off boots, yanking off a shirt, ripping pants off his legs. When he entered the bedroom, there you were, kneeling so pretty in the center of the bed, biting the tip of your finger as you watched him, while palming your breasts, teasing yourself just for him. He lastly yanked off his boxers and sure enough, he was aching to have you pinned underneath him, you could tell from the way his erection throbbed. 
You beckoned him forward, not that he needed any encouraging as he hovered over you and pushed you back, hard kisses swelling your lips, tongue claiming your mouth and moans he ripped from you. Oh yes, this is what you been missing, his hand tight at your waist as it slid you back to stretch beneath him. Your hands wrapped around his sides to dig into his back and legs bending to grasp his waist between your knees. “You miss me sweet girl?” He asked between nips and kisses down your neck, slipping his hand between your thighs to slip through your slick, and find that sweet little trigger that as soon as he circled around it had you wriggling. It made you want more, and to chase a rush. 
“As much as you missed me Sargent” You whine out, rolling your hips up to press into his erection, rocking back and forth against him. His eyes glowered almost dangerously at you, his pupils blown in his arousal, and then his fingers turned a little harder, a little quicker, just to make you tense and wriggle underneath him all pretty like you were. “Your right Doll I have missed you, missed feeling you clutch around me because your so fucking needy for my cock.” He fingers stretched your wet channel, and you cried out his name in a breathless moan, nodding in agreement. “Yes Bucky, fuck yes please. Fuck me... “ 
He bit on her shoulder in a bruising kiss, and shifted himself to better line up to you.”Since your looking pretty here asking me...” Grasping himself, he slicked his cock between your folds, pressing against your entrance to feel you stretch around him, both of you moaning at the sensation, mouths opened against one another, not in a kiss, but gasps shared. Your nails are driving Bucky wild as they dig almost painfully into his back just to feel you holding on. Shifting your legs to fold over him, you tighten him to sink in further, bottom himself fully in you. “Fuck Doll... this is a perfect home coming.” 
You hum underneath him in agreement, pressing your face now into his shoulder and his first thrust to claim you made you whimper his name in that needy way, that urged him to continue, rolling hips to touch you everywhere and you rolled back to meet him. Bucky pulled away enough to ease you away from his shoulder and chained kisses down your collarbone and plumped a breast so that he could claim a nipple that was a tight little bud, the warmth moisture of his mouth making you arch into his mouth, sucking in more and pulling the sensitive skin from his mouth. He was marking you across your breasts, and you were sure at your neck when he claimed that flesh again, tipping your head back into the pillow to give him more room. 
“Make sure everyone can see Im yours Sargent.” You pant out, knowing that everyone would see his kisses all over your skin, and what kind of homecoming it was. Shameless you were, letting everyone know that Bucky owned you. His growl vibrated through you, making you giggle softly and then gasp when his next thrust hit you just right, and he lifted his head, eyes shining bright to see your ruined face, jaw popped open, your eyes squeezed shut and crying out when he did it again. Once he felt you start to unravel, he never slowed aiming for that spot, that sweetness that left you crying his name over and over, clutching him as if there was nothing else you were capable of. Just ride it all out.
Bucky grasped your jaw and gave a light shake,to make you look at him. “Your eyes open, I want to see you cum for me.” Your lids flutter open further to try and follow his request, eyes rolling up as you start flexing harder around him. “Thats right Doll, dont keep holding back.” He groaned, licking over your lips, sucking your bottom lip and tangle his tongue around yours. Pining your hips in place to give hard quick thrusts, chasing the start of your orgasm with his own, and your bodies slammed together to rock, you were soft, and he was hard, the two of them folding together in a tangle of limbs. Bucky rolled you two over so you clutched to his chest, milking his cock for everything, and hiding your face in his shoulder, shaking. He jerked a few more slow pumps into you while riding out his own and his hands loosened there hold on your hips, sliding up your side with one hand and down to cup your ass, and keep you pressed in close. 
His touch was soothing for you, and you hummed against his shoulder, lifting away enough to look down at him, kissing his lips softly with a grin. “Ahhh, well that was nice. So when you headed out on your next mission?” You teased and he growled, flipping the two of you back over, his kiss less urgent and fierce, this time it was teasing while he dragged down your body. “Your my next mission.” 
You were his next mission, several more times that night until early morning. 
You happened to waken first, and lifted your head to see his head tipped back and soft snores showed just how tired he was, so you were gentle to shift to the edge of the bed, preparing to get up and make coffee when his arm snaked out, catching you around your hips, sliding you back. Bucky had shifted down enough in bed to nuzzle his head in the softness of your chest, your fingers easing to brush through his hair, and watch him. “Im just going to make us some coffee Sarge.” and he inhaled deeply against your skin, finally lifting his head. “Just a few more minutes here, then I will let you go.” 
You werent going to say no to that, and you remained where you were, gentle still as your fingers kept sliding through his hair, spiking it further from the bed head he already had. Finally he shifted into a sit, and went to the bathroom, groaning as he rubbed his face on the way there. Taking that as your cue, you rolled up out of bed to go make that coffee, putting on his shirt once more and a pair of sleep bottoms. Picking up the clothing he had lost through the front room and hallway on your way to the kitchen.You then ditch the pile on the couch, making your way towards the coffee pot, humming happily to yourself.
He finished and put on clean boxers before going to find his clothes from the night before, digging out his phone to check messages. “Hey you are all set to head out later right Doll?” He called as he wandered towards the kitchen where you were nowhere to be found. Looking around, he saw that the back door was halpf open, figuring you went for the fresh air, he stepped out to see you leaning against the railing, watching the sun ease up through the line of pine trees that edged the compound. Bucky went up behind you, and wrapped his arms around you from behind, resting his chin against your shoulder watching as well. 
“The world seemed to shimmer at the edges.” You lean back into his chest lightly. “Just as the sun came up, its been a while since ive seen that.” Your head tips up and kisses the side of Buckys face, and his hands rub along your hips, tipping to return the gesture, rubbing his chin against your neck and shoulder. It had been a while, but you were his world, and for him, you were always that shimmering outline waving him back home. 
“You said something about heading out Buck?” 
“Yea Doll.” He smiled happily “Later today, were sneaking out and hitting the road.” 
“Lets just go get that coffee, shower, and Im all set to go.” 
Sure enough later that day, your leaning against Buckys shoulder and holding up your phone, snapping a picture of you and Bucky, your hair hair whipping around from the open windows, both of you wearing sunglassws with open road showing in the in the background. You sent it to Steve who responded back with a simple text. ‘Dont do anything I wouldnt do you two.’
Telling Bucky, he grinned and put his foot down harder on the gas pedal, putting miles between them and responsibilities. 
@p8tn0lish @what-is-your-plan-today @official-and-unstable-satan @that-damn-girl @jtargaryen18 @stardancerluv​
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sickassastrology · 3 years ago
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What made you different? đŸ„ž
This is a general reading for the collective. This read is about your person you have in mind. Remember that because it is general it will not resonate with everyone. So take what sticks. Your free to choose whatever pile you feel. Heck, there could be little messages in all the piles. Time is fluid and we all have free will. So things can play out at anytime or maybe not at all. Follow your heart always. -E đŸ’™đŸŒ»
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Pile 1 🍒🍒🍒
Greetings pile 1, the classy crew with the rider Waite deck. let's get into it. I'm getting whoever this was misused you when they had you. I heard the line from Jackson 5 I want you back. when I had you to myself i didn't want you around, those pretty faces always made you stand out in the crowd". With this group I'm feeling like what made you different to this person was that you had it going on. you had a lot going for yourself. and you didn't share that with just anyone. your riches. your glory. whether it was your body, money, time, energy. whatever the case was...you were selective in who you gave to. you are an attractive energy and human pile 1. and you know it too. 😜 confident. I'm getting the energy of I have a lot going for me, and I'm not going to just be out in these streets. my money is good, I look good, I feel good. It took a lot for you to get there and so you won't share that with anyone & everyone. and then....you gave it to this person and decided to act a fool, right? lol isn't it always like that. this person saw you as being able to take care of yourself, even when it was a lot. im getting heavily that some of yall have family members or siblings (big on the siblings) that you take care of. you are the parental figure to them. you had a lot of responsibilities, and yet you were still like a breathe of fresh air. you still knew how to smile. mature. you always smiled in the mist of sadness. and you meant it too, like it wasn't just a mask. it was like "I still have something to smile about in life. my flowers still grow. there's happiness all around me." you still knew how to give to this person. managing the connection even with your own stuff going on. and they admired that about you. when things got tough you remained calm. never too out of control. you handled each situation how it came and for what it was. although you told this person about your life, you NEVER made it burdensome to them. like that's my life, but we are separate from that. and this person was acting stupid. I see a few of yall into the occult too. and that definitely makes you different, doesnt it lol. but you don't mind it and didn't hide it because it's who you are. when you saw there was sneaky behavior going on, you left. you used your intuition to guide you. and now, this person does have a lot to give and will give it but if I screw them over they will bounce out. you are not the one to do an unfair relationship. I'm seeing this person got caught cheating on their phone. like you saw some hidden text messages. I also heard "nude" like nude photos you found. this person was doing too much. and you were like no it's not fair. and it was like they didn't care. they were only sorry they got caught. they see you are strong, know who you are, know your worth, and you won't bow down to anyone. and that's on purrrr! it hurts you, but you know your special and you are a gift to somebody out there. so if you have to leave, then bye. you'll see why I'm special later on. and this hurts but you know how to keep pushing forward. and your person is just like, omg how are they doing this, how are they still okay!? pile 1, your energy is so beautiful 😍. its very tranquil. and im not saying that you never get upset or anything like that but there is a peace about you. like it didn't work out. okay, cool. I'll just keep working on my life, taking care of me and mine. and best of luck to them, ya know? I see you did love them, like them a lot. but that's the way the cookie crumbles. and tbh, pile 1 I feel you'll be better off without this person anyway. like you'll be happier being a lone, find somebody else, or just keep taking care of business. so many blessings to you all, you deserve wonderful things. ❀
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PILE 2 đŸ„ đŸ„ đŸ„ 
Hi pile 2, so while I was shuffling I heard likeable. so your very easygoing and charming im getting. this pile is nurturing, motherly. I get the energy of "ill lick your wounds for you so you don't have to". Ouuuu a healer. I see. (make sure that people don't try to get over on you, because they will try it)! You are a kind person. I'm getting friendly to everyone around. This pile is let's make love, not war. You don't like to agrue much. This person could have been a fireball and you just put their fire ALLLL the way out lol. I feel like some of yall worked with this person or around them. and there would be competition around you, and they would try so hard to get your persons attention. like look at me!! trying real hard. and then there you were like " I'm just here, doing me". you weren't trying to stand out. and they looked right at your ass too. 😂😂 Pile 2, you are almost too loving for your own good, aren't cha. đŸ„° you love life. you showed this person a different way of living, like just go with the flow. but you weren't reckless. if you did go out or drink. I'm feeling like a festival or winery type. you showed this person that life is fun. you are a true free spirit. you don't let a lot of life's qualms bother you. this group is very natural. humanitarian. I heard the word garden. this pile is the type that give to the less fortunate. I'm seeing a person on the street and like you'll give them money, food, or whatever it is with no second thought. very "here you are. be blessed". and this person was in awe of that type of generosity. because this world doesn't have people like that. you weren't doing it for attention. you are a G-I-V-E-R. Tbh, with this pile I'm really feeling like you have a gift to help people, but I'm not sure that you even know that yet. you think that's just how you are. but i see you really doing things with the community. know your purpose you all, because its so important. you are balanced. Yes you are such a giving person. BUT you will hold back IF needed. you know when to hold em & fold em. that's you. you just don't have to try hard. I'm getting your person wears a mask to fit in. you do nothing, you can get somebody's attention without doing much of anything really. you love life and you give life into others. into earth. the seas. skies. heavens. whatever it is, you give life to it. this pile is an empress. very divine feminine. *(remember tarot have NO gender, it is only energy)* you'd make a good parent if you had children. *as I said that, I heard I don't want kids but I have fur babies*. 😂 okay so you take care of your pets as your little babies. we love them too. đŸŸđŸŸ this group wishes good on other people. as I was pulling your oracle. the card purpose slips right from my hands. and it reads. purpose: I know what I am here to do. didn't I say this group fits in to a bigger picture. find the reason you are on this earth, do not waste another minute because you will feed so much life into other people. earth angels. đŸ„° beautiful. pride: I love myself and see myself in everyone. and gratitude: I am thankful for life and the opportunity it presents. come through pile 2! confirmation again. I just said you love the life you live. the pride you have is almost humble. it's like you like yourself. the good. bad. ugly. and there's no better way to be. and that's why they like you! heck, I like you 😂 so awesome. let your light shine.
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PILE 3 đŸ„ŠđŸ„ŠđŸ„Š
Pile 3, whatsup!? How are yall feeling? So right off. This is more about your mindset pile 3. your intellect. this person valued your decision making. you moved very carefully when it came to other people. they would come to you and ask about somebody. and you could look and examine and tell if that person was okay or had some type of ill intent. umm....intuitive much? you are a very wise person. you listen a lot to your gut, even if you have to sleep on it. your going to go with what you feel. you knew how to get work done but you still made time for the connection too. I'm getting that some of you have an important job or school that takes up time BUT you knew when to be silly and take breaks too. I'm feeling like you and this person had really goody times together. snapchat filters and silly faces đŸ€Ș😂. you are a very determined person. when things get hard or you fail. you never stop trying until you succeed. but you pace yourself, never tire yourself out. sheer determination from yall. love it. there's a lot of power in that. this group loves gathering information. reading. tv. listening. however you gained it, you shared it with your person and other people. a teacher. you actually made this person become better when you spoke to them. it challenged them. you also had a quirkiness about you. I'm getting you had hidden talents about yourself that were really random 😂. but your person loved it. you all pulled the empathy card. it reads: I am open to seeing both sides of the situation. again yall, you really know how to read people. use this to your advantage and get in touch with yourself. Tbh, if you tap in...you can sense auras. if you can't already! đŸ’«đŸ”ź
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I have to say, every single one of you are special. each of these piles possess such unique abilities and talents. bless you all. not to say your perfect by any means. but beautiful works in progress. so whether or not these connections work out or your person comes back. you matter. you don't need to change what beauty inside yourself. keep growing. keep challenging yourself. don't compromise. your worth it. so climb to the highest mountain top and scream. "I AM WHO I AM. I AM WORTHY. AND BEAUTIFULLLLL". bless. -E đŸ’™đŸŒ»
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itsoutrageouss · 4 years ago
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LOST MY MIND || KYLO REN
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Summary: You’re working on the finalizer, suffering from cold and lonley nights- wishing for a special someone to be by your side. Maybe you’ll get one step further?
Word count: 2,2k
A.N: first imagine on here! Kinda nervous ngl. Also this is inspired by ‘lost my mind’ by FINNEAS
~
The nights were long. Too long.
Laying cold and empty in a black void, no light seeping from no windows.
No white noise.
And no body next to yours. No one to warm you. No one to make you feel whole.
At this point, you wouldn’t mind whoever was next to you. A stranger. An enemy.
Just someone to hold you when you’re scared.
And you’re often scared.
Because this is a big an cold galaxy. An unfair place where you don’t have that;. A place.
You want something more than this. Than working on a ship. You’re a nobody.
If you died, who’d know? Who’d care?
You know you can do something greater, but you have nowhere to show or prove it.
So you lay, cold and lonely every night. Crying for something to grasp and feel. Something to believe in.
This was another night like this.
But something changed. You weren’t just hoping for anyone next to you. You found yourself wishing for a special pair of arms. A special persons breath on your hair, and the slow risings of his chest.
You widened your eyes. Why him?
The sudden urge to have Kylo Ren’s arms around you, felt so exposing. Vulnerable.
You never thought of the Supreme Leader that way. But his face has flashed before your eyes before, and it was like you knew him in some way. Felt awfully comfortable with the otherwise intimidating man. This was a whole unexplored territory, and it felt so dangerous. Yet so comfortable.
The tears stopped.
The rest of the nights were harder. You saw him everyday. You needed him. You could never.
You were mad, that you couldn’t help him, because you knew. You knew he was torn, and breaking slowly. And maybe in some way, you understood him more than others. But he would never let you speak to him. How you were stuck in this awful place with the only person you needed to stay away from.
The tears started again.
~
You were walking down the long halls of the finalizer, a cold and empty eerie falling over it. That was because it was early. Earlier than early. Later than late. You didn’t know just how late or how early. But enough for the last generals to have gone to bed, and for the stormtroopers to not yet have woken up.
Your hair is disheveled, eyes bloodshot from terror. When you finally fell asleep the nightmares grasped. They seemed all to real. Kylo Ren. Snoke. He talked to you. To you. Told you that you were to be careful about Kylo. You asked him what he meant, and he just smiled a nasty smile.
He seemed all too friendly for what you’ve heard of him. But you’re sure it’s all a mask. Behind it he has a sneaky surprise. But it was just a dream right?
Yet it kept you up. Woke you sweating and anxious. So without thinking, you got dressed and left your chamber. Where you were going, you didn’t know. You needed light. Some kind of light source, brighter than the milky rays from the dim stars splattered across the galaxy. You kept walking, until you stumbled upon a room. A new kind of room. You felt something coming from inside it. Something strong. And dangerous.
Your curiosity gave in, but you immediately saw the code on the door. Dammit. You bit your lip, thinking of a way in. It was like you had to. It was urgent.
You were about to try to to randomly type, as the doors hiss open. Your eyes are met with another hall. Slick, white walls and doors on the side. You silently walk in, feet cold on the white floor. It was a contrast to the pitchblack finalizer halls, and the light was bright. Just like you needed it to be.
You felt it again. Pulling so urgently in your gut. The first door. It opened just like the first one. Your breath hitched in your throat, and you knew you were in dangerous waters. You shouldn’t be here.
A black, melted mask neatly placed on a pedestal.
“Darth Vader” you mutter with wide eyes. You were so far in this, you might as well look closer.
You glide down the few steps, and up close to the mask. The curled up material, matte yet shiny.
“Help me” you croaked, looking into the black holes.
“You were good once, weren’t you? What happened?” in hope, you place a hand on the cold mask. A force surges through your veins, shooting to your brain.
“What are you doing?” A sharp voice sounds behind you, and you jerk your hand away, turning around in a jump.
Kylo Ren.
“I-” You had no words. How could you explain how you ended up here. Had he heard what you just said? Was he gonna kill you?
“I’m not gonna kill you” No smile. Cold expression, as he walked down in the room. You stood frozen next to the mask, like another sculpture. He walked closer, yet stood far. Like a hunter observing his prey.
You better shut up your thoughts, because he could clearly hear them.
“Why are you down here?” he had many questions, but he limited himself.
“I couldn’t sleep- and- and something just lead me here” you hated how foolish it sounded, but you couldn't lie to him. His presence made your heart race rapidly, your nerves twitch and palms sweaty, like he saw right through you
“Lead you here, you say?” he made a curious grimace, pacing around the room.
“Yes” you peep, following his moves intently.
“You’re in my quarters” he stops to look at your reaction. Your eyes widen, heart jumping out of your chest. You walked into Kylo Ren's quarters like some kind of blind idiot.
“How did you get through the doors?” he was too tired to probe your mind, and he knew that you wouldn’t lie to him, somehow.
“They just opened for me. I’m sorry supreme leader, i’ll leave immediately” despite the questions burning in your throat, fear crippled over you. And respect for authority.
You look shamefully to your toes, walking with quick steps towards the door. But you take a halt in your exit, as his voice yet again seeps through your skin.
“No. Stay” his voice was low, whispering. Yet you heard it echoing in your body.
He knew why you were dragged here. He knew. But he wouldn’t tell you just yet. Not before he knew who he was talking to. Really knew. With a little intimidation game, like he was so good at.
You slowly turn your head, without moving you body. You weren’t completely sure he meant it, and you didn’t wanna be so foolish to think he didn’t want you to leave.
“You don’t think im serious?” he held the slightest of an amused tone, but not enough for you to believe it was true.
“I don’t understand is more like it’ you bit your tongue for not just staying shut.
‘What’s your name girl?’ The way he talked down to you made you feel even more petty, as you stood on the first step.
‘Harlow’ you meet his eyes, feeling a surging again, stronger than before. His lips part slightly, with a shaky jaw.
‘Harlow’ he ponders, furrowing his brows as he takes a few steps closer. You gulp, now looking anywhere other than at him.
‘Am I the reason you cry at night?’
The question took away the air in your lungs, and took you by utter surprise. How did he know?
He saw your clearly shocked reaction with slight amusement, but seriousness quickly fell over his features again, his eyes meeting yours as he awaits an answer.
You wanted to ask him what he meant- pretending dumb. But you knew he wasn’t just that.
“No” yet you couldn’t manage to utter the truth, even if you knew deep down that he knew the answer as well. He took in a breath, finally closing the gap between you deliberately.
Inches.
You looked at his feet. Black boots. Tried focusing on the black boots. Not his intense stare, or the heavy risings of his chest. Just the black boots.
“You’re afraid.” he stated with a slight head nod. It scared you how much he knew. Because you didn’t know just how much. You diverted your shameful stare to his.
Looking between each of his eyes. “I don’t know what to do.” you admitted, with the peek of a sheepish smile. How foolish you were. Idiotic even.
His face was still, but his eyes kept moving between yours. Searching them, as he looked down at you between heavy breaths.
“Am I in your head?” you asked due to the silence. And to the random boost of confidence you gained from absolutely nowhere.
You glanced over at the melted mask. Like he was watching the two of you.
“Like you’re in mine?” this moment was so intimate, and so exposing, why not make it worse already?
You could tell he was caught of guard by your sudden candid exterior, by the way his jaw trembled slightly as he shut it tight, and his head raised a little above yours, so did his eyes.
“I can hear you. At night. Your thoughts. You’re stuck in my head” he tried not to falter his confidence, but you felt the hint of vulnerability peek in his tone.
The answer was to your surprise. In some way you had felt it, but always thought it was your imagination. Because-
“-Why?” Now he was the one to avert his eyes, looking just above your head.
He pondered. Pondered if he should tell you now, or if it would all be to much. Because in some way he cared. In some way, he cared if you’d start crying again like he’d heard all those nights. And the truth was that his heart was aching at your sobs- because he understood just how you felt. Sometimes he didn’t even know if he just projected his feelings onto you- or you were just this similar.
“Come” he glanced at you, before leaving the room.
You hesitated, glancing back at the mask. You felt something so powerful radiate from it. Something so fearful and safe. And torn. It almost made you tear up.
You obeyed him finally, and followed him to the long hall again. White, clean walls.
He walked to the door at the end, slightly bigger than the others around. He waved his hand in a simple movement and the door opened. You were already in awe of his power.
You followed him into the room. Big.
Black, in contrary to the rest. A bed. Black silk sheets. A bookshelf. A dresser. Another door.
It was simple.
You wanted to ask him more questions, just like he wanted to ask you. But you both decided to hold them in- because something told you this wouldn’t be the last time you got to talk.
“You can sleep in here. I don’t want to hear you cry again” it may have sounded like a command. But his eyes told you it wasn’t. He really couldn’t stand hearing you scared or hurt anymore.
You stood in a wavering silence, as his eyes searched yours with that same look. Before he left you alone.
Your curiosity made your feet walk, and you tiptoed to the books. Sith books. None of the jedi. Your hands delicately stroked the covers, before you went to the dresser. Most of the clothes was black. Some heavy armor, some leather, some black shirts.
Closed it neatly again, and went to the door on the opposite side of the bed. It opened easily, and behind it was another white room. A refresher. Smelled clean, yet with the hint of a scent you couldn’t quite recall.
You didn’t want to seem foolish but.. did he just ask you to stay here? in his quarters? not that you mind, but why? He was a man you might never figure out. But you’d try.
Suddenly the lack of sleep wailed over you, and your legs could barely hold you. For a second you thought about just leaving. But the truth was, you really didn’t want to. He might not be beside you, but he’d be near, you knew. You felt it.
You crawled under the sheets, still in the clothes you quickly put on before leaving your chamber. They smelled like him, and you seeped into the soft mattress, the silk embracing your skin. This felt much warmer than your chamber, and a wholesomeness filled you. Safety. If you were to cry, it would be happy tears.
You finally let your shoulders ease, and the breath you’d been holding since you saw his face, out. You could feel him roaming your mind, and how close he was. Maybe just in the next room.
Thank you.
You thought. Loud and clear.
He didn’t reply, but it was almost as if you could see his face before you, a light smile forming on his lips. A soft smile.
But you might’ve lost your mind, because how much of this was real and what wasn’t?
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orangemarmalade101 · 4 years ago
Text
tsukishima and yamaguchi were an odd pair. one cared too much while the other cared too little. yamaguchi saw people come and go out of tsukishima’s life without a second glance. he always spit out cold words when said people tried to stay with him.
“you’re nothing to me “
“i never cared about you in the first place.
yamaguchi watched every time on the sidelines. observing their faces. their pain. their broken hearts. because unlike tsukishima he was obersevent. he saw the flower-filled trash cans and the less than alive look on their faces.
hanahaki has changed over the past generations. people could be fated to be with a person that would never love them back. they were not guaranteed a forever someone. what they were guaranteed was a chance to live if all emotions were to be void in them.
but the people who took that chance with tsukishima ended up in a hospital bed. their tears of sadness days prior replaced with a stoic expression. they took the risk with tsukishima but he did not love them back.
yamaguchi dreaded the pit in his stomach. he hated how much he had to excuse himself to the toilet. tsukishima was less than pleased when yamaguchi kept skipping out on practices. everyone but him knew the reason.
“why do you keep on skipping out on practice you dumbass. you’re supposed to practice every single day and now you’re slacking off??” tsukishima finally blew up.
“i-i’m sorry i just i don’t know. i’m not feeling well ok? please give me a break “
tsukishima has been with yamaguchi for years but even now he couldnïżœïżœt pick up on his distress. yamaguchi was all smiles normally but now he was looking as pale as ever. but why did he care. its not his problem.
“im stupid as hell why did i ever think that “
tsukishima thought as he laid next to yamaguchi.
eyes shut in an ice cold hospital room. he never expected for him to ever have to go to the hanahaki unit, but here he was now.
days prior yamaguchi quit the volleyball club completely. his reason.
“it’s just not my thing anymore “ coach ukai stared at this once happy go lucky boy.
his eyes were filled with pain and fear.
“it’s ok. just go. i wish you the best of luck in your love “ he knew that was a lie. coach ukai saw firsthand the love stricken eyes of yamaguchi as he stared at tsukishima that were soon masked by fear. tsukishima’s indifference to the very obvious love that was directed towards him.
tsukishima only found out the next day when yamaguchi walked by the practice room without going in. he was over yamaguchi “skipping “ practice just because he was sick.
“yamaguchi let’s talk “
yamaguchi stared at tsukishima for a second without saying a thing. he wanted to confess. he wanted to say i love you so bad. but the flowers that he barfed up everyday showed that he had no chance. tsukishima did not love him
“yeah give me a second guys. i’ll take to tsukishima really quickly “
“why do you keep skipping practice. do you have no sense of responsibility or is that stupid brain of yours not working anymore “ his venomous words hitting yamaguchi the hardest.
“ohhh tsukishima i’m really sorry. i just know. volleyball just isn’t by thing anymore. i wasnt the best player anyway, and i wanted to try something new like baking!”
“you think you’re goo-“ tsukishima’s words we’re stopped as yamaguchi shoved a slice of strawberry shortcake into his hands.
it was the last thing he could do before he knew his time was over.
“here i know this is your favorite and since we’ll meet less and less from now on. i just wanted to say thanks for all your help through the years. “
“yeah sure “ was all tsukishima pushed out before he saw the fleeting figure of the green haired boy that was at his side ever since high school.
tsukishima went home with the cake slice still in hand. he didn’t know what he was feeling. why did he feel so guilt. he didn’t do anything wrong. maybe he yelled at his teammates a little too harshly today, but thinking back on it. that wasn’t true. he was quiet today. pushing out complaints when people asked him “what’s wrong” and saying that he’s fine. but yamaguchi’s comment didn’t sit right with him.
why would they meet less. its not like he’s gonna die. they’d still have class together. they’d still eat lunch together. and they’ll still hang out after school.
tsukishima stared at the slice a little harder. a flower?
“that fools in love now? “ tsukishima scoffed. taking a closer look at the light pink flower.
“a carnation?” a light pink carnation represented the regret of one’s love not being returned. yamaguchi dreaded how obvious his fate was when he saw the flower he barfed out everyday. but why would tsukishima know the meaning of such flower? why would he pick up on the wilted edges of the flower indicating that yamaguchi had less than a week to live. why didn’t he notice sooner?
there was no point dwelling on the past when tsukishima knew he couldn’t change anything. the hospital room was decorated in light pink carnations. that stupid flower he wished he knew sooner. tsukishima was never one to admit he cared about someone unless he was on deaths bed.
but now the one he cared about the most was on his. a loud cough pierced the silence of the room was yamaguchi shook awake. all color was gone from his body. he looked like he could barely talk. his eyes slowly opened as he muttered out one last phrase.
“it’s okay tsukishima. its ok that we weren’t meant to be, but i really regret not telling you i loved you sooner”
yamaguchi took his final breath as he felt all weight lift off his body. he finally said it. he knew that he didn’t need to hear the same harsh words tsukishima spit at every other person who confessed to him. he was fine with ending it at that.
tsukishima stared expressionless at the lifeless body on the bed. what went wrong? how could he not pick up on the hints yamaguchi gave him. the cake? the stares? his love? for once he showed an emotion other than anger.
tears welled up in his eyes. he felt sick to his stomach. tsukishima coughed.
“a pink carnation?”
if there was one thing he knew about hanahaki the was that fated partners coughed out the same flower.
oh how he wished he could take back everything he said that day. tell yamaguchi to stay and say what was on his mind. tell yamaguchi he loved him. tell straight to his face that yes he felt the same way too. but what could he do now. it was all karma coming back at him. all he could wish for was to meet yamaguchi again and tell him “i love you.”
the two lonely figures lay still in the ice cold hospital room. the uncomfortable silence should have been filled with yamaguchi’s laugh and tsukishima’s rebuttals. but the only sound was the dreaded *beep* of the monitor.
he was gone.
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pixiegrl · 4 years ago
Note
request for your next tangled muke adventure, the scene where they escape from the cave?
Meghna! This was so fun to write! Please enjoy my humble gift to you! And also @calumsclifford for endlessly hearing my yell about what im writing if its tangled
https://archiveofourown.org/works/26169226
Luke keeps whining about food. Michael wishes he would go back to tugging on his sleeve and asking him about everything if it means he’ll stop begging Michael for food. Michael’s not entirely sure of where they are right now and since he wasn’t planning on a trip, he doesn’t exactly have any food with him. Luke is not bothered by this at all, keeps choosing to ask Michael again and again as if the answer will somehow be different.
“Michael, there has to be somewhere to eat near here. Or something we can eat. Michael,” Luke whines, dragging out the end of Michael’s name in a way he can only describe as incredibly annoying. He turns to glare at Luke, who looks back at him with wide innocent eyes. He’s adorable and Michael still refuses to find him cute at all. He’s decided thinking of Luke as a friend was a mistake, now Luke has just decided to annoy him forever. 
Michael is relieved when the edge of a tavern comes into sight. He thinks he probably has just enough coins with him to feed Luke and get a drink for himself, so he can continue to put up with Luke’s bubbling enthusiasm. Even if the place looks a little rough for Luke to be in. Michael’s decently sure he can protect Luke from some bandits, as long as they’re not also after Michael. Although maybe Luke can just smile at them and they’ll reconsider harming him. He does have a nice smile, all bright eyes and dimples.
Luke starts bouncing on his toes when he sees it, too. Petunia peeks out of the corner of Luke’s hair, shooting him a worried look. How the fuck does a lizard manage to have so many facial expressions?
“Michael, can we eat there? Please?” Luke begs, turning to look at Michael with wide, blue eyes and a hopeful expression on his face. It melts Michael’s heart a little. He can’t stay mad at Luke for long, not when it’s so painfully obvious that the boy has never gotten to experience the world the way everyone else has. He’s so full of joy and wonder Michael can’t find it in himself to be annoyed that much.
“Only the best for you, Sunshine,” Michael says. Luke grins even wider, dimples creasing his cheeks, and laces their fingers together. He starts to swing their arms a little, humming under his breath. It’s painfully endearing. Michael’s all but abandoned his commitment to not finding him cute.
They push the door of the tavern open and Michael sucks a breath in when everyone turns to look at them. They must be quite the pair, Luke, with his incredibly long blonde hair and silky purple shirt, a lizard perched on his shoulder, and Michael, holding his hand and frying pan attached to his belt from when Luke complained about his arm being tired.
Luke is oblivious to their stares, instead tugging Michael further into the tarven, trying to find an empty spot and rambling about what food they could possibly have.
“Michael Clifford! As I live and breath,” A voice calls, full of mirth and laughter. Michael whips around in a panic, fear leaving him a little when he sees that it’s Calum, his old friend from the orphanage turned bandit, grinning and waving at him. He looks the same as the last time Michael saw him, apart from his once black curls are now a bright platinum blonde. His partner, Ashton, sits next to him, his own curls a raven black, and motioning for Michael to come sit with them.
“Who are they?” Luke whispers, curling a little into Michael, wary of new people. 
Michael tries to send him a reassuring smile, “Old friends. I promise they won’t hurt you.”
“Promise?”
Michael holds up his hand, linking their pinkies together and shaking. “Pinky promise.”
Luke looks a little confused by the gesture, but he must understand the sincerity of it and nods at him. Michael tugs them over to the table, ushering Luke into the booth first and following him. He helps Luke tug his hair in after them, earning them stares from the rest of the patrons.
Ashton lets out a whistle, looking at all of Luke’s hair. “That must be a hassle. You ever think about cutting it?”
Luke holds his hair tight to him. “I couldn’t do that. Mother wouldn’t let me.”
Ashton opens his mouth like he’s going to push the topic further, when Calum interjects, sticking his hand out towards Luke.
“Calum Hood, local bandit extraordinaire. This is my partner in crime, the slightly less good looking Ashton Irwin.” 
Ashton lets out a horrified squawk, smacking Calum. Calum laughs, eyes crinkling at the corner. 
“You married me, you idiot.”
“Only for evading the law purposes. The second they let us, I’m divorcing you and taking half the loot,” Calum says, grinning as he presses a kiss to Ashton’s cheek to let him know he’s only teasing. Michael’s forgotten how easy their relationship has always been, full of teasing and fondness. Michael’s known Calum longer and he would venture to call him his best friend (if two bandits can even have friends), but somehow when the three of them are together he’s always managed to feel on the outskirts of things. 
Luke’s watching them both, wide eyed and a little scared. Michael squeezes his thigh under the table. “This is Luke. Found him hiding in the woods. We’re going to see the lanterns for his birthday.
Calum raises his eyebrows, taking a sip of his drink. “Never known you to do anything out of kindness, Mikey.”
“That’s not true! I stole that necklace for you once ‘cause you said you liked it.”
“Fine, then nothing that didn’t require you to steal something.”
“Don’t worry, it’s not just you. They tell these half stories all the time and refuse to explain them. You get used to not getting their inside jokes,” Ashton stage whispers to Luke, grinning when Calum gently elbows him. Michael is filled with overwhelming fondness for his friends and their easy acceptance of Luke. Although Michael figures, who are a couple of bandits to question him finding a man in the woods?
“He only agreed to take me because I took his loot and Petunia keeps licking him,” Luke chimes in, producing Petunia from inside the folds of his hair. Calum and Ashton laugh delightedly at the sight of her. 
Michael pouts. “I’m getting new friends.”
“Michael, we’re your only friends,” Calum says rolling his eyes. He nudges Luke with his foot, startling him. “Do you want me to get you something to eat?”
Luke nods enthusiastically. Michael mouths a quick thank you to Calum. He smiles. “Ashton, take Luke with you and get something. I wanna check up with my old friend here.”
Ashton scoots his way out, ushering Luke over to the bar. When they’re out of ear shot, Calum rounds on Michael.
“The crown, Michael? You really thought stealing the lost prince’s crown would be a good idea?”
“I didn’t think I’d have this much trouble with it.”
Calum lets out a disgruntled noise. “That’s because you don’t think, Michael. What the fuck did you expect would happen?”
“Look, it’s just a job. We’ve taken plenty of them before.”
“Yeah, but those were just stealing from people. People who were much less notable than stealing the fucking crown jewels.”
“It’s one last job, Calum, and then I can stop,” Michael says. He’s had ideas over the years of what he would do. Travel, go somewhere far away and find a legitimate job, open his own orphanage. The possibilities are endless if he can just get this crown back and be on his way.
Calum sighs heavily, massaging his temple. He looks like he wants to say something, but is interrupted by Ashton and Luke coming back.
“Shove over,” Ashton says, raising his hands to show the drinks he’s carrying. Calum obeys, giving Ashton the space he needs to put things down. Luke’s tagging closely behind him, holding what looks like fish and chips close to his chest, a little wide eyed. Michael grabs the baskets, helping Luke, who shoots him a grateful look.
“You know you’re probably like, five minutes away from getting caught, right?” Calum says around a chip. Michael blushes at Luke’s quizzical look and Ashton’s glare. For a bandit, Ashton can be a little shit at the idea of stealing things sometimes.
“Let me enjoy this nice, hot food before you rip into me about stealing, but then still help us get away.”
Calum giggles slightly, expression fond. He’s holding Ashton’s hand on the table. It fills Michael with the overwhelming desire to have that, too. It’s always been lonely for him and while he’s happy for Calum and Ashton, he wishes he had someone like that too. 
Luke is eating some of the fish, scrunching his nose up at the taste.
“Good?”
“Different,” Luke mumbles around a mouth of food crumbs going everywhere, blushing when he realizes what he’s doing. Michael laughs, leaning over and wiping his face with a napkin. Luke never had to be presentable around other people before. It’s a miracle he’s managing to look cute while doing it.
Luke quietly feeds Petunia a small bite. Michael catches Calum watching them, a soft smile on his face. Michael sticks his tongue out at Calum when Luke isn't looking. Calum returns the gesture. Ashton snorts, covering it up in his drink when Luke looks up at the three of them. He flushes a little, clearly thinking they’re teasing him. 
Ashton waves it away, “It’s nice you have a little friend. Nice to have someone there for you when you get lonely.”
Luke smiles sadly. “Something like that.”
Calum looks like he wants to press the issue further, when the tavern door bangs open, someone shouting about the palace guards. Michael jumps up, making to push Luke out of the booth. 
“That’s our cue, Luke. Lovely to see you both again, let’s do this again sometime,” Michael calls behind him as he shoves Luke towards where he knows there’s a “secret” tunnel. He can hear Calum let out an exasperated sigh, but considering he’s known him since they were kids, he figures Cal will let this one slide.
***
“So, Calum and Ashton?”
“Hm?”
“You’ve known them a while, yeah?” Luke asks. They’ve been walking down the underground tunnel for a bit, venturing deeper and deeper with only torches to help them see. Luke’s been quiet since the tavern and Michael isn’t sure whether he should be worried or not. Considering Luke’s decision to ask personal questions, the answer was that he should be.
“I’ve known Calum since I was a kid. Ashton is more of a new addition. You let your friend do one job on their own and they come back with a husband.”
Luke giggles. “You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”
“I just wish they’d invited me to the wedding. I have plenty of embarrassing stories about Calum and I’m not afraid to use them.”
“Does he?”
“What?”
“Have embarrassing stories to share with your future
” Luke pauses, shooting a glance at Michael. Michael wonders what Luke’s mother taught him about attraction and then disregards that notion. A woman who locks her son in a tower and refuses to let him out certainly won’t teach him what it means when you think boys are pretty.
“Husband. I like men. And unfortunately he does, but you’ll have to hear them from him,” Michael says. He realizes how that must sound, the implication that he wants to keep Luke around long enough to see Calum and Ashton again, to have Calum share childhood stories of Michael. That Michael isn’t ready to have this adventure come to an end, even if Luke can be a thorn in his side.
Luke looks like he wants to say something, but changes his mind at the last minute and says,  “So Michael, where are you from?”
“Nope. We do not know each other like that, you already know my name and that’s enough backstory for the rest of this trip.”
Luke pouts. “I just met your childhood friend and his husband. You just told me you like men. But you won’t tell me where you’re from.”
Michael sighs heavily. “I will tell you something about myself if you answer my questions first.”
“Sure.”
“I know I’m not supposed to talk about the hair, the mother, or the, uh, lizard?” Michael waves in Petunia’s direction. Luke nods. 
“Here’s my question. If you want to see the lanterns so badly you were willing to go on a trip with a complete stranger who broke into your home, why haven’t you gone before with your mother?”
“Mother wouldn’t let me.”
That makes Michael pause. It was implied in his initial request for the adventure, but it’s odd to hear it out loud. For all the oddness of Michael’s childhood growing up in an orphanage, he’s never been denied things. He was always allowed to go and adventure on his own terms, as long as he was responsible about it and came back in time for dinner. The idea that Luke’s mother would lock him up and refuse to let him leave seems a bit dramatic and harsh. Not for the first time, the notion of keeping Luke with him, of not allowing the boy to go back to his tower, of showing him the whole world, crosses Michael’s mind. Luke deserves it, deserves the chance to get to see what’s out there and Michael doesn’t know how he’s meant to return Luke to his prison when this is all over.
“Why wouldn’t she let you leave?”
“She claims that it’s safer for me up there where no one can find me.”
Michael opens his mouth to comment on that, when he hears a rumbling coming towards them. He turns around at the sound of shouting and sees the palace guards running towards them. Maybe Calum had a point about this being a bad idea. Michael turns to look at Luke, who’s got a look of fear and confusion on his face.
“Michael?”
“Okay, so you know how I have that crown? I may have stolen that crown and now would be a good time to run,” Michael shouts, grabbing hold of Luke’s hand and pulling him into a run. Luke, thankfully, realizes what Michael wants and follows him at Michael at an equally breakneck speed.
Michael pulls them along until they come out of the tunnel, skidding to a stop when they both realize they’re at the edge of a cliff. There is absolutely nowhere for them to go, considering they’re surrounded on all sides by open air and the guards behind them, not to mention that one horse that seems to have it out for Michael specifically. Michael hears a shout from down below and notices the Stabbington brothers have come out of their own tunnel looking up and pointing to Michael, both of them shouting. 
“So I’ve figured out the guard part, but who are those guys and why are they mad?” Luke says, clutching his hair in his arms. 
“Let’s just assume no one here likes me and work our way up from there.”
Luke frowns. “How much trouble are you in?”
“Luke, you met me because I crashed through your window with a stolen crown. You do the math.”
Michael’s at a loss for what to do or where they can go. Luke takes one look at him and rolls his eyes, shoving the frying pan at Michael. He takes his hair and swings it up, hooking it over a higher up damaged beam nearby. He tugs it once, nodding when he realizes it’s secure and hooks an arm around Michael’s waist. 
“So I’m sure this is a bad idea, but I think we have to go down?” Luke says, pointing.
“What?”
“There’s a tunnel down there and I think that might be the only way out.”
Michael looks down and he hates to admit it but Luke might be right. Luke throws his hair over a nearby beam and grabs onto Michael’s waist, giving them a running start, giving them enough momentum to take off and swing themselves down to the bottom of the ravine. They land solidly on their feet and Luke turns to beam at Michael. Michael gives him a relieved smile back and tugs on Luke’s hair pulling it down from the beam. They gather it and go sprinting off in the direction of the tunnel. 
Michael is sure they’re going to make it, until he hears the rumble and rushing sound of water fill the air. They just narrowly make it into the tunnel entrance before Michael realizes it’s not a tunnel and that there’s no exit. It’s too late for them to do anything now though, as rocks cover the entrance, leaving Luke and Michael in the dark. 
“So, this looks bad.”
“Yes, Michael, I would say that it does.”
Michael huffs, shoving Luke’s hair at him and diving into the rising water. He looks around for an exit but finds none. He pops up gasping for air, noticing that Luke’s feeling around the top of the rocks for an exit up that way. It would appear that they’re both out of luck. Michael dives down again to feel around, as Luke bangs frantically on the rocks with his pan trying to get them to break. Michael scrambles up, trying to pry some of the rocks loose. The sharp edge of one slices his hand and Michael swears loudly at the blood that starts to pool and drip from his hand. Luke looks torn between concern for Michael’s hand and fear about being close to death.
“I can’t see anything in here. I don’t think there’s a way out. Fuck, Luke I’m really sorry about all this. You just wanted a nice birthday gift and look at the mess we’re in now.”
The water is rising steadily, closing in on them. Luke is chewing at the corner of his lip, grasping Michael’s injured hand in his. Even dripping in ice cold water, Luke manages to make Michael feel warm and safe. The thought startles Michael. He hasn’t known Luke long enough to be this comfortable with him, but he is. 
“I think I have an idea.”
“Luke?”
“You told me that you like boys. I have a secret too. I have magic hair that glows when I sing.”
Michael blinks up at Luke. Michael takes it all back, all that time locked up in a tower and Luke has gone crazy. Maybe it was a bad idea for Michael to agree to this plan.
“Come again?”
Luke looks Michael in the eye, grinning at the realization. “I have magic hair that glows when I sing!”
Michael barely processes what’s happening before Luke starts singing some kind of strange song. The water finally covers them and Michael tries to hold his breath as best he can. Suddenly, Luke’s hair starts to glow from the roots to the tips. Michael almost screams in shock before he remembers that they are underwater and that would be a very bad idea.
Luke’s hair tugs towards the bottom of the tunnel, pulling their attention to a small pile of rocks. Michael pushes his way down, starting to pull the rocks away from the wall. Luke joins him and they tug away a small exit hole, the force of the water pushing them out of the tunnel and onto the shore of a riverbank.
Michael and Luke both take a gasping breath as they collapse side by side. Luke turns to Michael, grinning brightly, dimples on his cheeks, Petunia popping up onto his head. 
“We did it, Michael! We got out!” 
Michael makes eye contact with Petunia. “His hair glows.” 
Petunia looks very smug, Luke continues to cheer, grasping at Michael’s hand.
“Hair is not supposed to glow. That’s not something that happens. Do all strange men in towers have glowing hair? Is this something I was supposed to know?” Michael asks Petunia, octaves in his voice raising with confusion and concern. Petunia nods. “Why does his hair glow?!”
“Michael!” Luke calls, hands on his hips where he’s standing on the bank. He’s dripping wet, standing in the fading light on the setting sun. He shouldn’t be so pretty, but Michael thinks that might be the shock and gratitude. Even if Luke is exactly the sort of boy Michael used to dream about when he was young. 
“Luke?” Michael asks, voice strained.
“It doesn’t just glow. I can heal with it.”
“That’s strangely cryptic after you just showed me it glows. How much magic does your magically glowing hair hold, Luke from a strange tower?”
Luke huffs, coming to kneel in front of Michael. He wraps his hair around Michael’s injured palm and softly starts singing the same song. Luke’s hair begins to glow again and Michael feels a sharp tingling in his palm. Luke finishes, un-wrapping his hair, and Michael is startled to see that the cut and blood are gone.
“Don’t freak out.”
“Luke, we are well past freaking out,” Michael says, voice hitting an octave he didn’t know he could. Luke huffs again.
“If I’d known you were gonna be a baby about it, I wouldn’t have shown you.”
“Oh, so you would have died before you showed me the magically glowing healing hair?”
“Don’t be mean. I just saved our lives,” Luke says, pouting. 
“How long has it been doing that?”
Luke shrugs, “My whole life, I guess. Once, when I was a baby, people tried to cut it and take it for the magicalits magical powers. But when it’s cut it loses its color and power.”
Luke pulls back his hair, showing Michael a shorter strand of hair, dull compared to the rest of it. Michael leans forward, touching the lock softly. Luke smiles sadly at him. “It’s why I’m up in the tower. Mother says you have to protect a gift like mine. She doesn’t want me to leave because she’s worried that I’ll get hurt.”
Michael softens. It makes sense now, why Luke was up there, but it’s still cruel. No one would have to know about his hair. Why can’t he have the freedom to explore the world for himself? 
“And you still want to go back?”
“What other choice do I have? I’m safe up in the tower and I don’t think I could just leave Mother.”
“Luke, you deserve a chance to see the world and make your own choices,” Michael says, grabbing Luke’s hand and squeezing it. “I promise, that when this trip is all finished, I’ll take you on an adventure. We can travel the whole world if you want. I’ll show you everything there is to offer. Take Calum and Ashton with us. I think they liked you.”
Luke smiles a little brighter. Michael notices now that he seems to glow when he’s happy. It softens Michael. 
“You promise Michael? You aren’t just saying that because of my hair?”
“Of course I mean it, Sunshine. You’ve been a wonderful traveling companion. And I’m sure there’s plenty of floating lanterns all around for us to see.”
Luke’s smile widens. He throws his arms around Michael’s neck in a hug, “Oh thank you Michael! That’s the best birthday present ever!”
Michael blushes slightly, hiding his face in Luke’s shoulder. At least the only person around to see is Luke and Petunia. They won’t rat him out and ruin his reputation.
“Alright Luke that’s enough. It’s getting dark and we should start a fire for the night,” Michael says, pulling himself up to stand. Luke pushes himself up, coming to stand next to Luke. 
“You like me.”
“Regrettably I do. I’d like you more if you helped me get some wood.” 
Luke grins at Michael, “Only if you show me how to build a fire.”
Michael huffs, pretending to be put out, nudging Luke’s shoulder and smiling to show that he’s only teasing, “For you with the special hair, I’d do anything.”
Luke grins back, lacing their fingers together and tugging Michael in the direction of the woods to look for firewood.
Maybe traveling with Luke isn’t so bad. Maybe getting to take Luke on a trip around the world won’t be so bad. Maybe being in love isn’t the stuff of dreams, maybe it gets to be Michael’s reality.
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